June 11, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized
Chemo was taken off the table.
Nana is pretty much unresponsive and with altered mental status. She has O2 and that isn’t helping much.
She has so much toxin in her system that she now has oozing sores. (I know it isn’t pretty but this is my life)
Grampy has talked to a funeral home and he will follow her wishes. No added expense to anyone.
No funeral. No service. No memorial.
She will be cremated and then he and my Mother will walk down to the end of the street with her ashes and scatter them and go home.
I broke down on the phone with Mom yesterday. Just thinking about it and I break down some more.
I just hope that she goes peacefully, without pain.
I hope she knows how much I love her.
How much I love the traits that I have inherited from her. #1 being — starting to go grey at 16 and coloring since 21. Nana has been coloring her hair black since she was 18.
Double O parties. Must find the recipe for that.
Come as you are breakfasts for MDA.
Annual camp shows.
Music.
Books.
Having a good time.
June 9, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized
I know it has been awhile since I have written anything. It is just there isn’t really anything to write.
E still hasn’t talked to L. Well that was as of last week.
Since then that and adoption has been placed on the back burner.
My Mother called last Friday. My Nana is the CCU. She went unresponsive last week. Her kidneys failed (they have since come back).
She doesn’t go to the doctor so she has cataracts, and a double hernia that she has done nothing about.
She was diagnosed with a form of blood leukemia.
I was told Chemo was off the table because she is so weak and weighs about 80 lbs wet.
That changed yesterday with an update from my Mom.
Chemo starts tomorrow.
I am angry that I am so far away from them.
I am angry that her doctors are going to do this to this woman.
I am just angry and hating the world and Missing Supergirl.
I need a night where I don’t cry myself to sleep.
May 19, 2009
· Filed under Friends, adoption, mediation, pictures, super girl
Okay meant to write this yesterday but was having some other computer issues so here is, finally, the phone call from E.
She said:
- -Supergirl was great, lovely (I know this)
- Visits in the past have been great not awkward
- L is confused by Supergirl’s response from the last 2 visits
- Supergirl is excited for the visits but then clams up (just to mention, again, that I have yet to see this, still waiting, but then again it has been over a year and next week makes 13 months)
- L said she is open minded. I had to laugh at this. REALLY, open minded, then why did I have to wait 3 months to find out visits were done?!?!?! oh yeah, open minded
- L is fine with talking with K and fine with talking to E
- E asked if I had any little requests/messages for L. I actually couldn’t think of anything except for not wanting to be told anything through a 3rd party. All of the big stuff has been through a 3rd party and has not come from L
- E said that she wants to work on communication with L so that I am not left to draw my own conclusions. My response “No shit”
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On a much happy note.
Coworker (CW) got some more pictures for me!!!! It seems that Supergirl and her son are playing tball, they are not on the same team 
but there was some one there who took photos on the first day and had placed them on a snapfish account. CW ordered those for me. Out of the 19 she ordered, 16 were of Supergirl. She said she didn’t know who she was more excited for: finding pictures of her son or finding photos of Supergirl for me.
May 14, 2009
· Filed under Unknown, adoption, bitch, life, mediation, sorrow, super girl, therapy, whine
Okay, sorry I haven’t written sooner. There hasn’t been anything going on worth writing about but then I got the phone call.
L finally responded to someone!!
She called the agency and they talked.
K from the agency called E and they talked.
E called me and we talked.
when I am able to hold my head up, meaning when this migraine is gone, I will write more.
April 26, 2009
· Filed under Unknown, adoption, firstmothers, life, mediation, pictures, sorrow, super girl, unhappiness, visits
I was informed that the letter was sent to Supergirl’s Mom.
I am freaking out alittle bit. Why? because I don’t know what it said. I don’t know if they have received the letter yet. I am guessing so since I know I can mail things on Monday and they get it on Tuesday and vice versa. So now I would like to, if possible, get my hands on a copy of the letter to see what the agency had to say to L.
Biker boy is starting to make an appearance again. The warmer weather is getting him out since he can now ride his Harley and not worry about not having a car.
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I received some pictures from L from Supergirl’s birthday. It appears that she had 2 parties, not just one. One that was with friends and was a cooking party and the other is the party with family and friends.
I haven’t seen her in almost a year and all ready I can not really recognize her any more. Is this because I remember her from the last visit? I still see her singing. I still see her playing a monkey.
I don’t remember her with her hair up. I don’t remember how her face has changed since that rainy, damp day in April 08.
April 19, 2009
· Filed under Friends, adoption, birthdays, life, super girl
I have some awesome friends. In real life and online. I talked with a dear friend, who is the only first mom that I have met in real life, and she sent me a text the next day for Supergirl’s birthday.
Then last night, I met up with a group of ladies that I work with and we had some drinks, food, songs and laughs. One dear friend came up to me and gave me a huge hug and just said “For you and Supergirl’s birthday.” Another friend, one who I just told about Supergirl, came up to me and said “I wanted to text you but didn’t have your number. But hopefully you and Supergirl had a good day yesterday.”
April 5, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized
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April 2, 2009
· Filed under Unknown, adoption, birthdays, birthmoms, bitch, depression, life, rant, sorrow, stupidity, therapy, unhappiness, whine
…. is about to be raised.
I am tired.
I am worn out.
I don’t know how much more I am expected to take.
I am about to become a statistic. (ironic since I really hated that class) well, another one since getting pregnant and then placing Supergirl made me a statistic then.
I am tired of having to put so much into a relationship that apparently is not welcomed.
Is it because Supergirl has a birthday coming up?
–Not really
It is because while I play the good girl. The nice girl. The pleasant girl.
The Mom gets to be the baddie and get away with it.
March 26, 2009
· Filed under OMG, Unknown, adoption, bitch, rant, stupidity, terminology, whine
Typical Open Adoption
A typical open adoption means that the biological parents
are permitted to have some type of contact with the adopted
child.
This can be accomplished many different ways. By phone is
the easiest way but sometimes e-mail, letters, or even
personal visits might be an option.
This contact doesn’t always mean both sets of parents will
ever meet each other in person. Many times the adoption
agency or other organization will receive pictures and
updates from the adoptive parents and forward them to the
biological parents.
Obviously, having the adoptive parents spend time with the
biological parents might be an uncomfortable ordeal for
everyone.
Before the adoption takes place, all types of contact as
well as specific dates for visits or phone calls are
arranged.
This schedule and set of rules is very important to the
biological parents who have agreed to the open adoption. By
not getting pictures when expected or missing phone calls,
it can be very emotionally stressful.
By using the adoption agency as a middle man, it saves a
lot of emotional stress for everyone involved. The agency
acts as a mediator so the adoptive parents don’t have to
deal with the biological parents directly.
It is much easier for adoptive parents to really feel the
child is there own if there is minimal interference from
the biological parents but sometimes it just isn’t an
option
*bold are mine to make a point.
I came across this little gem and was this close to yelling at my computer.
So this person believes that I am an interference in MY daughters life?
Sorry to tell you that that ANY action done by the agency means a SEMI open adoption. If it was a true open adoption, they would have last names, phone numbers and addresses while you would have last name, phone number and address. NO MIDDLE MAN NEEDED!!
A typical open adoption:
- no middle man
- all information is exchanged from both sides
- there are visits, phone calls, letters, photos
- you do not view the first parent as an interference
- spend time with the expectant mother if you are matched beforehand, this may actually help everyone involved
March 17, 2009
· Filed under adoption, bitch, rant, stupidity, terminology, whine
I was an expectant mother. I was NEVER a Birthmother.
How do you like those damn apples.
A dear friend wrote a great blog about an article and every one who decided to rub salt in the wound about the word Birthmother.
Here is the deal:
A birthmother is a women who has — wait for it — GIVEN BIRTH!!!! How in the hell am I to be a Birthmother while I am 7,8 or 9 months pregnant!?!?!?! I can’t!!!
I was a MOTHER, I know very scary to some people, before I signed the TPR. So, again, I was not a Birthmother. I was MOTHER!!!!
Some of these “adults” really need to learn the language before they start to speak it.
*this is my vent for the day*
