Posts tagged adoption
July 28, 2009
· Filed under Unknown, adoption, bitch, dates, depression, life, mediation, rant, sorrow, super girl, therapy, unhappiness, whine · Tagged adoption, open adoption, visits
Today is the 28th.
On this day last year my life changed again, forever, for the 2nd or 3rd time in the course of 4 years.
On this date I had a phone call with amom, I cannot even use her name right now. On this phone call, which was on a Friday, a day of thunderstorms, a day in which I had finished my lunch of Taco Bell. A day in which I was, once again, waiting for a response to a note that I had sent to her to set up a visit.
Not within 3 minutes of the phone call, I was told that there would be no more visits.
I was asked if I noticed how Supergirl was acting different, off.
I was then told for the next 20 or so minutes about every thing else in Supergirl’s life.
Her likes, her dislikes.
Honestly, all I ever wanted to do was to go into the bathroom and get rid of the lunch that I had finished with the past 2 hours.
I was in tears for the NIGHT!!! not just for bits and pieces but for the NIGHT!!!
Now here is ….. 1 year later.
I haven’t seen Supergirl since April 28th, 2008.
Yes I am keeping count.
*edited to add
How did I even forget the actually date this all happened on? Is it a coping strategy for me?
I remember it was a Friday. Which means the phone call was on the 25th. Really it doesn’t matter — I was in enough pain that day and the day before. I was not able to play with Goober like I usually do.
How could I forget another day that would forever alter my universe? My being? My security? My sanity?
How????
July 26, 2009
· Filed under 10 things, Unknown, adoption, bitch, family, life, mediation, rant, stupidity, super girl, whine · Tagged adoption, phone calls, visits
I cannot believe that I am writing another one.
- You are close to 59 years old!!! and yet you use a third person, your son, to get something from your ex wife?!?!?!!? Somehow I am not surprised by this but the fact that you used your son to do this is a new low, even for you.
- You talk to me when I am going thru this ordeal and your comment on it. ” I want to give you what you want.” You want me to have a child for you. You want me to be a single parent in the hopes that you will be able to give us money, when you can.
- You tell me that, basically, you want to put a blanket over the whole situation and tell Supergirl, years down the road and tell her: “Here is your sibling”
- Once you tell me this, and may I add, that I was not able to sleep. That I was at a point a few years ago, that if you had brought this up then, I would have said yes.
- I have decided on a date to call. I feel like shit that I have to do this. I hate, with a passion, that she cannot be a human being and make the call herself.
Ok, I feel better. Yes it wasn’t 10 but then it doesn’t have to be.
June 18, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged adoption, media, professionals
http://www.wsaw.com/home/headlines/48289912.html
One would think a worker at the agency would know the correct terminology and that the proof reader would realize that they quoted her twice.
The law says you cannot give your baby to somebody without taking the mandatory legal steps.
the story:
Stevens Point police allege Bobbi Jo, 32, and Jason Dolski, 30, took a baby from a woman more than a year ago illegally.
The couple faces charges of child abduction, unauthorized adoption and lying on a birth certificate. They’re being held in Portage County Jail.
Adoption is a complicated process that must involve a licensed adoption agency.
The danger of giving your baby away without the legal documentation is not knowing what could happen to the child.
Hope Pregnancy Resource Center in Wausau works with women facing pregnancies they weren’t expecting.
The executive director wants birth mothers to realize they do have support, and that it’s a good idea to get lots of information and weigh your options before making any major decisions.
And if you do decide on adoption, you must seek professional help from a licensed agency.
“Now it’s worked out that birth mom really has a lot of control. Now she can if she chooses, she can choose the family, she can interview the family, she gets a biography about the family, so pictures and things that she’ll know about the family,” said Janna Janke.
Many birth moms choose to have an open adoption, meaning they can have direct contact with their biological child throughout his or her life.
“Now it’s worked out that birth mom really has a lot of control. She can choose the family, she can interview the family, she gets a biography about the family,” Janke said.
She says unfortunately many women who face unexpected pregnancies are scared, in denial and feel alone.
And that’s when support is so important.
According to Lutheran Social Services, though you can’t buy a baby, birth mothers can receive up to $5,000 in some cases. But that’s only for a birth mom’s needs such as medical expenses, helping with rent, and transportation costs.
On average, about 120,000 children are adopted each year in the U.S.
Again, I had control of the situation? Oh yes that is right never did I have any control. I don’t have control now and I didn’t then.
I did not have the biography of the paps. I only received a 2 page selling.
February 3, 2009
· Filed under Friends, Unknown, adoption, bitch, firstmothers, life, mediation, rant, sorrow, therapy, unhappiness, whine · Tagged adoption, adoptive parents, life, rant
I really hate writing about my anger. I hate the fact that I am dealing with people who are older then me and acting worse then I have seen a 2 year old throw a temper tantrum.
Who the hell do they think they are?
*yes I am once again discussing Supergirl’s “parents”
I called E last week since I haven’t heard from her in awhile. We set up a day and time for me to come in since I haven’t seen her since November.
So I asked if she had heard anything.
NO
She has called every week. She has left a message. She has left not 1 but 2 phone numbers for L to reach her at. NOTHING
So I will not run away.
I will not hide.
I will be getting Supergirl something for Valentine’s Day.
I will be sending it.
I will be including a card.
I will sign my name.
I will not leave my daughters life!!!!!!
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I have been discussing this with some beautiful women on one of the forums I belong to. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock. These women would LOVE for their child’s firstmother to be in their life and here I am; wanting to be in Supergirl’s life and being pushed out of it.
Life really isn’t fair.
December 7, 2008
· Filed under Unknown, adoption, bitch, depression, firstmothers, life, mediation, rant, sorrow, stupidity, therapy, unhappiness, whine · Tagged adoption, anger, birthmothers, depression, feelings, general, life, pissed off, rant, sorrow, Supergirl, whine
I have alot of anger right now.
Why? I am waiting for a 2 line note from L. Or even a 30 second phone call. Does she really keep going 24/7? Please. I am not that stupid. I asked one simple question and I have gotten nothing in return. Ofcourse all this is happening around a date I would love to remember more but would rather forget ever happened.
I last saw Supergirl in her element (her house) 2 years ago. Since then our open adoption has spiraled downward. I believe beyond a doubt that L believes that I told Supergirl that I am her birthmom. I can tell you and her and anyone who may doubt me that I did not. What would I gain out of it? NOTHING!! so why go there? It took over a year to get another visit. I don’t want to go through that again. It hurt. It still hurts.
Then I was saw E yesterday. She told me that she hasn’t been able to get in touch with C. WTF!!!!! So now E said she would think of something but because this is December — nothing will happen this month.
Fucking Merry Christmas to me.
*Sorry, I am not only hurt and angry, I am crying at anything. I was watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD and just started bawling my eyes out because Dr. Lang couldn’t find a leg. Yes, I was crying. I was watching another DVD last night and I started crying as well.
October 5, 2008
· Filed under Unknown, adoption, family, life, sorrow, stupidity, unhappiness · Tagged adoptees, adoption, firstmothers, secrets
Okay I was out to lunch with my Grams yesterday. Not a big deal. We had the theatre and we usually will go to Bertucci’s or China Jade for dinner. Yesterday was Bertucci’s turn which means China Jade is next month (yummmie).
So we ordered our dinner and were enjoying the rolls with dipping oil and Grams just says “Auntie and I think it is a good idea to tell the family about Super.”
Bread stuck in throat.
“Who?”
“Super”
“Um, don’t you mean Lanky?”
“Yes, that is who I meant.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grams, nor anyone else in the family know about Supergirl. Well, at least the family that we will see at Thanksgiving this year. Since Grandfather passed away and Little Bro and family have moved, it has been me, Grams, Auntie and Cousin. This year it will be: Grams, Auntie, Cousin, Great Aunt and Uncle, 3 second Cousins and adopted cousin, who I last saw shortly after Second Cousin adopted her from China, so we are talking a good 10 years.
This could have been a good time to tell Grams about Supergirl.
Why?
Grams wants to send Lanky a birthday card with a dollar in it. She does it to all the great grand kids. This coming birthday there will be 18$ in it since Lanky will be 18. Grams wants to talk to SIL and pass it by her and she what she thinks.
But I just sat there and by this time our dinner had arrived and I just put a fork full of pasta and chicken in my mouth and chewed. Then changed the subject.
Another chance and another opportunity lost.
Sorry Supergirl. Once again I let you down.
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Edited to add: I saw E yesterday. She wonders if Grams knows on some level about Supergirl if she is the one who brought up her name out of the blue?
I honestly don’t know.
I am afraid to know.
September 7, 2008
· Filed under Ex's, Friends, Unknown, adoption, life, mediation, music, therapy · Tagged adoption, life, mediation, speaking
It isn’t like I have been avoiding the blog. I just haven’t wanted to write.
Then a bunch of stuff happened in one day.
L agreed to the mediation!!! I am completely freaked by this!!! E asked if I had heard from C, 3rd party, this past week. No I haven’t. Which means that I will be getting the call. This scares the living daylights out of me. I am freaked that L agreed to this. I am freaked that E said she was positive about this.
Now I want to know what she will say.
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Then E asked me if I wanted to speak again? Yes!!! Then she tells me that it will happen this month!!! What!?!?! I have spoken before. Except that time it was only me and another firstmom. E is hoping that this time there will be me, the other firstmom, an adoptee/adoptive parent and an adoptive parent. Less pressure on me.
Maybe I will remember this time not to hide what has really happened.
Maybe this time I will be able to say what sucks.
Maybe this time I will be able to say what happened.
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Then completely unrelated to it all.
I went out with my friend C, last night. Biker Boy is now the head of security at the bar which we hang out at which was recently sold and now under new ownership. Not a problem, really. Except when he comes up to me and puts his arms around me.
Then he tells me that a guy who is interested in my friend, C, is flirting with me. Ummmmm, no. Why are you jealous?
Then I got up to sing. The owner came up to me afterwards and told me that she wanted me in the karoake contest that starts – TONIGHT!!!
ack!! but after 10 weeks there is the prize of $500.00!!!
August 21, 2008
· Filed under Friends, Unknown, adoption, death, life, music, sorrow, therapy · Tagged adoption, Friends, life, music
Maybe I am over my anger.
How do I know? I was singing in my car. It may not be anything big to anyone else but I haven’t wanted to sing in my car. I used to do all the time. Find a song and just start. But since the melt down last month I haven’t been able to really listen to a whole song. My angry music wasn’t cutting it anymore.
It wasn’t working. It wasn’t angry enough.
This week I am watching my friends cat while she is away camping.
So last night after work, I got in my car and got myself ready for a 20 minute drive up 95 and so I put in a CD.
Turned out to be the right one.
Natalie Merchant and 10,000 maniacs
Tracy Chapman
Jewel
Stevie Nicks
Dixie Chicks
Meredith Brooks
Alannis
Bonnie Tyler
I sing songs from all of these wonder artists. Karoake can be theraputic but I just haven’t been in a mood to sing anything.
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Other news.
I received pictures for the 3rd moth in a row. Makes me wonder if guilt is laying heavily on her mind right now. This is her way to make it up to me.
Right now it confuses the hell out of me. I don’t want to expect this every month because they have broken promises in the past but it just makes me wonder if it will continue.
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Rather sad news is that a dear friend lost her father on Monday. He went into the hospital April and never came home. Everytime he went from the hospital to rehab he would relapse.
I met this man a few times and he will be missed.
July 4, 2008
· Filed under Ex's, Unknown, adoption, bitch, life, lyrics, music, rant, whine · Tagged adoption, Ex's, life, music
Things around here have been…………………………….. well, here.
I have been neglecting my blog and I am sorry for that. I actually am now writing things out at my lunch break when I am not reading. Hard to do since I normally put on the headphones and blast some music, depending on my mood — depends on the music, and read. But I have been putting pen to paper and writing. I have a few posts in the works and will update for all.
hint:
adoption (like that is ever far from me)
ex’s (just like above)
music (when am I not talking about music -LOL)
June 17, 2008
· Filed under adoption, birthmoms, family, firstmothers, life, reunion · Tagged adoption, family, finding, life, myspace, reunion
Well, at least for my brother and sister-in-law. Their “secret” has enjoyed time with them. Has pictures with them and asked them questions. This “secret” is 17 1/2 years old and is beautiful. I may be biased as an Aunt but then again I don’t care.
I want to send her a message. But at the same time I don’t want to overwhelm her. Less then 2 weeks ago she just met her father, mother and 3 birth siblings. I want to know her. I don’t want to know her through my brother or my sister-in-law. I will, however, wait. I will give her time to get to know her family and to recover from meeting them.
When I talked to my brother I told him I wanted to know the how’s and the when’s. Come to find out that my nephew, eldest nephew, found E on myspace. She called her mom to come home from work and her mom had some questions for K, just to verify who she was and then everyone starting shouting.
All of this happened within 12 weeks.
From the time of that first message on myspace to the first face to face there was only 10 weeks.
