I hate this date.
28 Jul 2009 5 Comments
in adoption, bitch, dates, depression, life, mediation, rant, sorrow, super girl, therapy, unhappiness, Unknown, whine Tags: adoption, open adoption, visits
Today is the 28th.
On this day last year my life changed again, forever, for the 2nd or 3rd time in the course of 4 years.
On this date I had a phone call with amom, I cannot even use her name right now. On this phone call, which was on a Friday, a day of thunderstorms, a day in which I had finished my lunch of Taco Bell. A day in which I was, once again, waiting for a response to a note that I had sent to her to set up a visit.
Not within 3 minutes of the phone call, I was told that there would be no more visits.
I was asked if I noticed how Supergirl was acting different, off.
I was then told for the next 20 or so minutes about every thing else in Supergirl’s life.
Her likes, her dislikes.
Honestly, all I ever wanted to do was to go into the bathroom and get rid of the lunch that I had finished with the past 2 hours.
I was in tears for the NIGHT!!! not just for bits and pieces but for the NIGHT!!!
Now here is ….. 1 year later.
I haven’t seen Supergirl since April 28th, 2008.
Yes I am keeping count.
*edited to add
How did I even forget the actually date this all happened on? Is it a coping strategy for me?
I remember it was a Friday. Which means the phone call was on the 25th. Really it doesn’t matter — I was in enough pain that day and the day before. I was not able to play with Goober like I usually do.
How could I forget another day that would forever alter my universe? My being? My security? My sanity?
How????
10 things part 3
26 Jul 2009 Leave a Comment
in 10 things, adoption, bitch, family, life, mediation, rant, stupidity, super girl, Unknown, whine Tags: adoption, phone calls, visits
I cannot believe that I am writing another one.
- You are close to 59 years old!!! and yet you use a third person, your son, to get something from your ex wife?!?!?!!? Somehow I am not surprised by this but the fact that you used your son to do this is a new low, even for you.
- You talk to me when I am going thru this ordeal and your comment on it. ” I want to give you what you want.” You want me to have a child for you. You want me to be a single parent in the hopes that you will be able to give us money, when you can.
- You tell me that, basically, you want to put a blanket over the whole situation and tell Supergirl, years down the road and tell her: “Here is your sibling”
- Once you tell me this, and may I add, that I was not able to sleep. That I was at a point a few years ago, that if you had brought this up then, I would have said yes.
- I have decided on a date to call. I feel like shit that I have to do this. I hate, with a passion, that she cannot be a human being and make the call herself.
Ok, I feel better. Yes it wasn’t 10 but then it doesn’t have to be.
I apologize
03 May 2008 Leave a Comment
in Friends, life, visits Tags: car accidents, Friends, life, pictures, small world, visits, work
I am sorry for being so remiss and not writing anything. I am working on a few posts and may even post 2 in 1 day.
Do you think you will be able to handle that.
It has been a busy week. I will say this.
visit
car accident
small world news
lack of sleep
insurance
friends
work
pictures
2 days
15 Apr 2008 6 Comments
in firstmothers, life, therapy Tags: birthdays, eating, Friends, joy, life, peace, phone, visits
There are now only 2 days before her birthday.
I sent her presents on Friday and I am sure as anything that they received the box on Saturday since I sent it Priority mail. So I was just alittle shocked to get a call from L on Saturday. She said “Haven’t forgotten you.” Really, you want to try that one again. I think that the only reason why she called is because they received the box.
I wasn’t home. Which in and of itself is a good thing. Because then I would have just stared at the phone while it was ringing looking at their name in the caller id and wonder what this call is going to hold for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called back yesterday.
I left a message.
She called back 
I heard Supergirl in the background
I heard her laughter
I heard her talking
I was filled in on the world of Supergirl.
I know that they got her a swingset for her birthday this year.
I know that she is a picky eater, eating only much of what I eat (tell that there is nothing to nature in this).
She doesn’t eat the same foods I don’t eat. I am a picky eater. B is a picky eater. Even my cousin is a well known picky eater in the family.
Don’t tell me that there is nothing to Nature and it is all Nuture becasuse I will tell you that you are full of it!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We talked about getting together.
There are 13 days until I hope (hope against anything) that I will see her again. For my eyes to look into hers and for her to see a connection between us. For me take my own pictures and not rely on the ones that she sends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am still getting away. I will be going to Rockland, Maine. Why? It just sounds nice and peaceful and quiet and of course there are lighthouses near by 
Oh and to a beautiful friend who answered her phone. Thank you Thank you and Thank you. It helped to center and balance me for the night at work.
Recent Comments