Where do I stand

Looking at everything from what I seen online and talking to others I had an ethical agency.  Is there such a thing?  My agency cared about what I thought, wanted and answered my questions.

They are still answering my questions.

They still stand behind me.

They want me to get in touch with other birthmoms from the agency.

They want me to know that things are perfect and probably won’t be perfect.

They wanted me to know that this wasn’t going to be easy.

But then looking at my situation.  I have an open adoption.  L sends me pictures directly.  Everything is done between us is without the “middle man”.  I have their address and phone number, they have mine.  I can call up and talk to L and be updated on all things dealing with Supergirl.  However, I am the one to call up and ask for a visit.

I saw E on Saturday and she asked me what I thought about the meeting.  I told that I got to kicks to the gut with 2 comments that L made.  We know those.  “We don’t want to confuse her.” & “We are too busy.”  I told E that those were the biggest excuses in adoption.  They are code for “We have what we want you can go away now.”  She asked me if I wanted to hear about it from another perspective.  Right now — no.  I have to get over the hurt that I feel.  The pain that I am feeling on thinking that I did the wrong thing and chose the wrong people to raise my daughter.  Yes, I will say my daughter.  I carried her, I went to the appointments, I made the decision.  So, right now I will be a thorn in their side and not go away quietly.  I will be the adult in this situation calling up and asking for a visit.  I won’t call right now because I know that they are expecting it.  I told E that I am stubborn and I guess right now I will need to be the bitch that I can be.  Supergirl picked up her stubbornness from someone and I can tell you with pride that she got it from me, my Mom and my Grandmothers.  I come from a long line of stubborn women and I am proud to continue that.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Possum
    Jun 27, 2007 @ 17:50:07

    Thinking of you & sending you strength.
    Poss. xx

  2. dawn
    Jul 10, 2007 @ 01:39:56

    I just found your blog and wanted to say that I’m glad for your daughter’s sake that you won’t go away quietly. I hope it gets easier. I send you strength.

  3. lhjh4
    Jul 10, 2007 @ 18:48:52

    Thanks Dawn.

  4. reunionwritings
    Aug 09, 2007 @ 00:17:14

    Don’t go away quietly or not quietly. I agree with Dawn.

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