Everybody’s Broken

My new favorite song by my favorite band

“Everybody’s Broken”

Welcome to the party
Come on in and disappear
You’re feeling like a stranger
But all your friends are here
Little lines and cracks
Around your eyes and mouth
Something’s trying to get in
Something’s trying to get out

It’s ok, to be a little broken
Everybody’s broken, in this life
It’s ok, to feel a little broken
Everybody’s broken, your alright
It’s just life

Step into the deep end
Make yourself at home
When you wonder why your breathing
Know your not alone
It’s so hard to believe
It’s easier to doubt
You’re trying to hold in
But your dying to scream out

It’s ok to be a little broken
Everybody’s broken

In this life
It’s ok to feel a little broken
Everybody’s broken, your alright
It’s alright, it’s just life

[Solo]

Take a look around
Tell me what you see
Is who you think you are
Who you want to be

It’s ok, to be a little broken
Everybody’s broken, in this life
It’s ok, to feel a little broken
Everybody’s broken, your alright
Just keep on going
Eyes wide open
Everybody’s broken
Everybody’s broken
Everybody’s broken
Everybody’s broken
Everybody’s broken
Everybody’s broken
Yeah

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Thoughts

I had my first speaking engagement last week.  It was the first time I told my story.

I didn’t break down.

I kept it together.

I wasn’t present the whole time.  E noticed this.  She made a comment about it last week when I saw her for my session.  She was surprised that I didn’t speak up a few times.

There were 5 couples there.  Afterward, 1 couple came up and continued to ask questions.  to see if maybe there was something different that they could do (they have been waiting 3 years).  The other couples? Standing in a corner talking, look over at us, and go back to their conversation.

So that was my birthday.

I am now 36.  I am thinking that I need to resign myself to the fact that Supergirl may be the only child that I have and I lost the chance to be her mom.  Can I tell you something?  This pisses me off the most.  My age doesn’t.  I grew up thinking that your age is just a number.  My grandmother celebrated her 80th birthday last year.  My Aunt and I told her that for her 90th, we would go to Montreal and take her the hotel/rest. that she was to go to on her honeymoon with my grandfather but they couldn’t find the entrance and drove around forever.  We may just do that for her 85th.  My other grandmother had a party when she was old enough for AARP.

I was hoping to have the beginning of a new relationship.  That went down hill.  I think he got scared and ran.  I have seen him online a few times but haven’t heard from him in awhile.  So here I am:  single, 36 and a mother to a child that I cannot call my own.

I went to my mail box last Friday, just 1 1/2 weeks from “the meeting” and I had some more pictures.  E seems to think that this is something to get excited about.  I don’t see it.  If there was something in the quick 1 line note about getting together I think I would have been more excited.  Since there wasn’t — I just don’t see it.