I hurt

there isn’t any other way to put it.

E wanted me to go in and see her last weekend.  How could I?  It feels as if my heart is breaking.  It still hurts.   I hate that I have been made to feel like this. Not once, not twice but over and over again and again.

How do I get over this?

How do I get over feeling like a second hand citizen in my own life?

How do I move on from this?

How do I stop the hurt?

How do I stop the pain?

How do I not hold it against them?

How do I have a relationship with these people?

Why do I have to be a bitch?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. reunionwritings
    Aug 08, 2007 @ 23:37:56

    When I am in that situation I think of people like Nelson Mandela and try to be like him.

    I accept the pain and the hurt and let it be, don’t try to change it or judge it. Then I tell myself it’s ok I am here in the present time now. I try to have compassion for the people that have let me down and see it as their fear and their weakness rather than a reflection of my value as a person.

    Then I think that by being bigger than what they did I make myself look good. They might not acknowledge what they did to me and I might never get an apology or acknowledgement from them but I will know that I behaved with elegance and grace.

    The way to have a relationship with people is to have clear boundaries for yourself, don’t let them in too close. Keep focus on why you have a relationship with them, is it a person that you love that bind them to you?

    You don’t have to not hold what they did against them but you can decide you will choose to let it go, not go for revenge or retribution. You never have to say what they did was ok but you can choose to leave it in the middle. Leave it on the table and let them stare at it but don’t touch it if that makes sense.

    Love yourself and praise yourself for not having done this yourself and focus on the person you love.

    If it’s someone who loves those people too then you have no choice but to be Nelson Mandela about this.

    Does this make sense? I hope so.

  2. lhjh4
    Aug 09, 2007 @ 01:32:00

    It does make sense. Thank you.

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