I am..

here.  Somewhat.  I am tired.  I am still coughing up a storm.  It appears to be my asthma.  I dislike it with a passion but that is life.

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago and she said that she has a good relationship with her son’s mom but she is beginning a relationship with his sister.  My friend placed C with a couple and they went on and adopted again.  Her firstmom doesn’t have a relationship with them and it is upsetting to A, adoptive mom.  My friend said how A would love to have a relationship with her daughter’s firstmom but firstmom doesn’t wish for one.

Here I am on the other end and would love a relationship with Supergirl’s parents, L&B, but I apparently frighten them and which to step back.

Are they frightened because they see just from our talks how much alike we are in things that kids should and shouldn’t be able to do?

I am also jealous.  I am jealous of any firstmom who receive calls and letters “just because”.  Or if the child did something really cute or something happened, like, first word, walking, tooth, etc.  I don’t know these things.  I hate to ask about these things.  I hate to ask for pictures from her birthday or Halloween.

Don’t get me wrong.   With all of my gripes — I respect them.  I do, I really do.  I just wish……………………………..

I just wish things were different.  I wish that I was able to tell them that I am not a threat. I am not here to compete for Supergirl’s affection/love. I am just like them.  I want her to happy and healthy and strong and feel good about who she is.

I don’t want her to be upset with them.  Upset with me.

I don’t want her to look at them one day and wonder why they lied to her about who I am.

I want to know what she likes, dislikes.

I want to know our daughter.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. asacrificiallamb
    Oct 28, 2007 @ 03:31:35

    I am so sorry. Of course you want to know your daughter. You NEED to know your daughter, and your daughter NEEDS to know you. She will be happier, healthier, stronger, and feel better about who she is WITH you in her life than without you. I hope her caregivers will come to realize that very soon – for everyone’s sake, including theirs.

  2. insideamothersheart
    Oct 31, 2007 @ 05:10:16

    ((((HUGS))) I am so sorry things aren’t as they should be. I will continue to pray that they will realize what a blessing you are and how important your presence in Supergirl’s life is.

  3. Chasing Ashley
    Jan 31, 2008 @ 01:07:01

    (((HUGS)))

    IBF 😉

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