Musings

I am back.

It was nice to just get out of town and escape from everything.  No computer.  No phone.  There was just me. I read, walked, watched the sunset and took pictures.  Slowly made my way South and stopped at another lighthouse and just sat and watched the ocean hit the rocks.  I watched people sunbathing in 50+ degree weather (don’t you just love New England in the Spring).

I did alittle shopping.  Some writing.  Some reading.  Watching tv (got some lessons on my French since some of the channels were from Canada and were French Canadian)  imagine watching Hereos in French?  Interesting indeed.

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I am to have a visit in a week and a day.  Here is the thing.  While I was excited about ALL my other visits this one is making me feel — bleh.

I am not liking that feeling.  I think right now that I am feeling “I will believe it when it happens and not before then.”  I told E about the upcoming visit and she still thinks that we should go to mediation.  However, I am a chicken shit.  I hate confrontation.  I really don’t like it at all.

I grew up with fights and abuse.  So much so that I don’t make up my mind.  I have a really hard time with it.  I would rather the decision be made for me and not have to make one for myself.  So I have been avoiding mediation with everything that is in me.  I am afraid on how it will turn out.

I mean really, it really cannot get worse then it all ready is.  I haven’t seen Supergirl since December 06 and haven’t gotten any new pictures since January.  The worse it can get is all contact stops.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. oceans64
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 21:29:08

    I’m happy your trip went well… A bit jealous actually – sounds relaxing. I think you’re right about mediation. Or at least putting off that option for now. Maybe somehow you can get a conversation started after the visit. They really should be calendared.

    Your sanity is important too!!! Don’t forget that…

  2. thanksgivingmom
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 02:38:39

    I know the “bleh” feeling before a visit….how I actually regretted reaching out and asking for a visit at one point. That’s how negatively I felt as it approached. But when I saw Cupcake it went away. And when you see Supergirl all the “bleh”s will, if only for that moment, be worth it. You WILL see her, this is going to happen (See? I’m willing it to!!)

    And we’ll deal with the after, well, after.

  3. coleybelle
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 16:59:42

    Sounds like you had a nice relaxing weekend!! I need one of those soon…

    I hate confrontation too so I can understand you not wanting to do mediation.

  4. Em
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 18:50:00

    I can’t believe its been that long since you’ve seen SG! I’m so sorry. I hope your visit helps you all work through some of the mismatched expectations.

  5. taramayrn
    Apr 23, 2008 @ 20:14:54

    Hope the visit goes well. I just wanted to let you know I tagged you in a blog post. This is my first game of tag, so I’m not so good at it.

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