Healing

I am trying to heal me.

Which is hard, at least for me.  I look at things and place my worthiness on the shoulders of these people I asked to raise my daughter.  I don’t need them to tell me every time that I see them that I matter.  I believe in the saying “Actions speak louder then words”.  I have grown leery of the words I see.

Biker boy telling me that I can call him anytime if I needed to talk and vent

Supergirl’s parents told me that they want an open adoption and will keep it open

Friends saying that they will keep my secrets

Those words were told to me and their actions speak volumes to me.

For some unknown reason to me but Biker boy has always been able to calm me and help me see things rationally, right now I need that.  He finally got in touch with me but I didn’t answer the phone.  I tried him back but nothing.

The “friends” let slip (bull they just talked) some very personal things I told them in confidence.  I talk to them but I don’t tell them anything.  They think we are friends again but my real friends know everything and will always be in higher regard then you.

Then their is Supergirl’s parents.  what can I say about them?  What can I say about that?  Did we have a great relationship before all this. Hell no but I can tell you that it was a heck of a lot better then it is now and will probably ever be in the future.  If and when they come to me and tell me that they would like to start visits again I will probably be like I was back in April.  Texting a friend every 5 minutes.  Calling my house every 5 minutes on the drive to meet.  Pulling in the parking lot and looking for their car and if I don’t see that calling my house because now I think I missed a call telling me that there is no visit.

 

To me I just need a little action. 

A note in the mail.

A quick little email.

A text sending hugs.

 

Some days I just didn’t realize how much others don’t have to give with a little gesture and how some people just always give that little gesture and I realize how much I like having them in my life.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thanksgivingmom
    Aug 07, 2008 @ 17:30:17

    Does flying across the country for some laughs and lunch count for anything? 🙂

    But in all seriousness, I know.

    ((((((hugs))))))

  2. lhjh4
    Aug 09, 2008 @ 06:48:07

    It counts for alot.

  3. thanksgivingmom
    Aug 10, 2008 @ 01:04:52

    PS I like your new page

  4. coleybelle
    Aug 10, 2008 @ 10:15:44

    ((((hugs)))))

    I like the new look too. Oh, and by the way if you want me to make you a header sometime with a lighthouse, just say the word. I saw a lighthouse picture a few minutes ago and thought of you. I always think of you when I see lighthouses now. 🙂

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