Anger

I have alot of anger right now.

Why?  I am waiting for a 2 line note from L.  Or even a 30 second phone call.  Does she really keep going 24/7?  Please.  I am not that stupid.  I asked one simple question and I have gotten nothing in return.  Ofcourse all this is happening around a date I would love to remember more but would rather forget ever happened.

I last saw Supergirl in her element (her house) 2 years ago.  Since then our open adoption has spiraled downward.  I believe beyond a doubt that L believes that I told Supergirl that I am her birthmom.  I can tell you and her and anyone who may doubt me that I did not.  What would I gain out of it?  NOTHING!! so why go there?  It took over a year to get another visit.  I don’t want to go through that again.  It hurt.  It still hurts.

Then I was saw E yesterday.  She told me that she hasn’t been able to get in touch with C.  WTF!!!!!  So now E said she would think of something but because this is December — nothing will happen this month.

Fucking Merry Christmas to me.

*Sorry, I am not only hurt and angry, I am crying at anything.  I was watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD and just started bawling my eyes out because Dr. Lang couldn’t find a leg.  Yes, I was crying.  I was watching another DVD last night and I started crying as well.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thanksgivingmom
    Dec 08, 2008 @ 17:38:01

    wait.

    hold the phones.

    Supergirl doesn’t know you’re her birthmom?

    does she think you’re a “family friend”?

    I’m sorry, I don’t bring this up to hurt you, I guess I just never realized this….(either that or it pissed me off so much that I blocked it from my mind….)

    And if Supergirl “DOESN’T” know you’re her birthmom, why would she have acted “weird” as they said after the last visit??

    I’m confused (so I can’t imagine how much you are!!!!)

    (((((((hugs)))))))

  2. dawn
    Dec 09, 2008 @ 13:06:28

    I know another woman who has regular visits with her child but wasn’t “outed” as the child’s birth mom until the child outright asked, “who ARE you anyway?” It infuriates me that any parent could be so disrespectful and withholding to their child let alone their child’s first parents!!!!!

    I’m sorry that this holiday season isn’t going as well as it ought to be and I hope it gets better!!!

  3. lhjh4
    Dec 09, 2008 @ 16:55:44

    T — Supergirl “overheard” someone later on that day say I was her birthmom. She made a comment to Adad, he told L, and she told E that she wasn’t herself for a few days afterward. No discussion with Supergirl about it. Just dropped it.
    She knows I am her firstmom. She has now known for about 2 years. She informs people that she is adopted.
    No hurt. I think you were and others were just pissed off beyond words when it happened.

  4. thanksgivingmom
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 00:43:27

    Hmm….that sounds about right that I would have been pissed and hence tried to erase it from my memory.

    I knew that she knew she was adopted, so I just wasn’t sure about the other peice. But now that you mention it, it’s coming back to me….

    (I think I also get stressed about this because of the way that Dee always refers to me as Cupcake’s “friend” when we’re together…..)

  5. brown325
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 04:20:05

    GRRRR!!!

    Of course she wasn’t herself a few days afterwards, she was trying to process why she had to “overhear” that you were her birthmom and what that means that no one told her! Even if she was really young, people never give kids credit that they understand and feel more than they know.

    And yeah, I get stressed because of my own situation too. I mean, of course my DD doesn’t want to talk about me to her mom, she is probably still trying to figure out why her mom hid the fact that we were talking for A YEAR before she accidentally “found out”….

    People. Sheesh!

  6. Coco
    Dec 12, 2008 @ 05:02:39

    The idea of an open adoption means, to me (and sorry, to anyone with a lick of sense), that the adopted child/person is fully informed of their adopted status, knows who his/her first parent(s) is, and subterfuge, lies, bargaining for visits, retailiation, and other tiresome remnants of the “closed adoption era” are never even thought of.

    I’m so sorry, L. It seems they are lying to her and they are being so unfair to you. This is not “open adoption”. This is “semi-closed adoption with a thousand unspoken caveats; violate one and you can kiss your child goodbye forever, AGAIN”.

    It’s not right. I am so sorry.

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