While I was pregnant….

I was an expectant mother.  I was NEVER  a Birthmother.

How do you like those damn apples.

A dear friend wrote a great blog about an article and every one who decided to rub salt in the wound about the word Birthmother.

Here is the deal:

A birthmother is a women who has — wait for it —  GIVEN BIRTH!!!!  How in the hell am I to be a Birthmother while I am 7,8 or 9 months pregnant!?!?!?!  I can’t!!!

I was a MOTHER, I know very scary to some people, before I signed the TPR.  So, again, I was not a Birthmother.  I was MOTHER!!!!

Some of these “adults” really need to learn the language before they start to speak it.


*this is my vent for the day*

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Desi
    Mar 18, 2009 @ 17:48:56

    I couldn’t agree with you more…I hate that. That’s why I prefer the term first mother…it’s not perfect either, but it acknowledges the fact that I was his mother before anyone else was and no one can take that away from me.

    I also hate it when they say “our birthmother”…after placement she is the child’s birthmother, but not theirs!

  2. lhjh4
    Mar 19, 2009 @ 16:11:52

    I agree with you Desi!

  3. Amaurosis
    Mar 21, 2009 @ 03:01:23

    I hate, hate, hate the preemptive birthmother label. It’s so disrespectful and presumptuous. I don’t even like it after TPR, but it’s what my son’s first mom prefers, so I use it.

  4. Coley
    Mar 21, 2009 @ 14:00:22

    Amen Sister!

  5. Cedar
    Mar 25, 2009 @ 18:23:03

    I would say that you are a still a mother to your lost child. You still have the same maternal love for her, the same mother-child bond with her. That never ceases. The term ‘birthmother’ means that we are no longer even mothers after the act of giving birth. I would respect you as still being a mother, even if separated from your child. You deserve that respect!

  6. Myst1998
    Mar 31, 2009 @ 06:48:51


    While you were pregnant with your child you were the same as all other mothers… an expectant mother.

    Once baby was born, you became a mother.

    Despite signing your rights away, you are still a mother. There is no such thing as a birthmother (or birth anything for that matter). Nature defines you as a mother simply because you gave birth. It is only a man made law that tries to take that away from you.

    This term ‘birth’ mother is an industry derived term. Up until then, real mother and father were used to define the real parents in nature and the term adopter was used to define those adopting. It was all based in fact, not selling the adoption idea.


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