Typical Open Adoption

A typical open adoption means that the biological parents
are permitted to have some type of contact with the adopted

This can be accomplished many different ways. By phone is
the easiest way but sometimes e-mail, letters, or even
personal visits might be an option.

This contact doesn’t always mean both sets of parents will
ever meet each other in person. Many times the adoption
agency or other organization will receive pictures and
updates from the adoptive parents and forward them to the
biological parents.

Obviously, having the adoptive parents spend time with the
biological parents might be an uncomfortable ordeal for

Before the adoption takes place, all types of contact as
well as specific dates for visits or phone calls are

This schedule and set of rules is very important to the
biological parents who have agreed to the open adoption. By
not getting pictures when expected or missing phone calls,
it can be very emotionally stressful.

By using the adoption agency as a middle man, it saves a
lot of emotional stress for everyone involved. The agency
acts as a mediator so the adoptive parents don’t have to
deal with the biological parents directly

It is much easier for adoptive parents to really feel the
child is there own if there is minimal interference from
the biological parents
but sometimes it just isn’t an


*bold are mine to make a point.

I came across this little gem and was this close to yelling at my computer.


So this person believes that I am an interference in MY daughters life?

Sorry to tell you that that ANY action done by the agency means a SEMI open adoption.  If it was a true open adoption, they would have last names, phone numbers and addresses while you would have last name, phone number and address.  NO MIDDLE MAN NEEDED!!


A typical open adoption:

  • no middle man
  • all information is exchanged from both sides
  • there are visits, phone calls, letters, photos
  • you do not view the first parent as an interference
  • spend time with the expectant mother if you are matched beforehand, this may actually help everyone involved

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. therapyisexpensive
    Mar 26, 2009 @ 17:34:21

    Using the agency as intermediary also means that if the agency goes out of business you have no way of contacting the other party. Wonder if adoptive parents who choose this even think about that.

  2. Barely Sane
    Mar 26, 2009 @ 17:58:39

    Delurking to agree with your view on this one. As an a-parent, the first thing I did was turf L’s agency as a go between. What’s the point in “having contact” if you can’t actually get to know each other??
    But I should also mention that it took me over 2 years and multiple requests to finally get an address. I still don’t have a phone number…. but I’m working on it.

  3. thanksgivingmom
    Mar 26, 2009 @ 18:48:20

    Might I ask who in the hell is writing that “be all end all” definition of OA?

    And then might I unleash my face slapping ninja on them??

    I wonder who this definition is “marketed” to as well – and what the corrallary that’s told to emoms is…..

  4. therapyisexpensive
    Mar 26, 2009 @ 22:34:51

    thats a great point what is told to the e-moms? Are they told that the agency is used as the go between so the a-parents “wont have to deal with them”? Definately in need of some Ninja action TG

  5. lhjh4
    Mar 27, 2009 @ 05:16:54

    Emoms are told that it is an open adoption. Same as when emom’s are told that pictures for the child’s first few years and then NOTHING is an open adoption.

    Therapy: here is my take on that — if the agency closes then the birthmom is shit out of luck and the aparents don’t have to deal with the interfering birthmother.

  6. lhjh4
    Mar 27, 2009 @ 05:18:55

    T I found this “blog” online. I think I deleted it because it made me ill.
    Barely, glad to know that you have an address. I had to wait over a year before I had an address for them. I had to send her Christmas presents to the agency and they in turn sent them to Supergirl and the aparents. Love it that to go North, they had to travel South.

  7. thanksgivingmom
    Mar 27, 2009 @ 15:31:06

    I was at about two years before I had an address….

    And I suppose at least it’s better that they’re giving emoms the same line? As opposed to just saying “open adoption” and letting them think that means that they’ll actually get to SEE or KNOW their child.

    And by better, I mean NOT REALLY better at all, but you know.

    And if they’re giving them the same shpiel – do they take out that bit about our pesky “interference” in their lives? Or, let me guess, they replace that with some nice tidbit about “moving on.”

  8. lhjh4
    Mar 28, 2009 @ 05:14:54

    but of course…….

  9. Coley
    Apr 18, 2009 @ 08:39:59

    Now I get why you were so worked up about this post! Very sad that someone is writing this in a public place where others who might not know better read it and accept it as the truth!

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