Same oh, same oh

There hasn’t been much activity going on so there hasn’t been anything to write about.  Sorry.

 

I sent an email asking for sizes and ideas for the soon to come Supergirl’s birthday.  The response: send a giftcard she doesn’t know what she wants.  Somehow I don’t think so.  Somehow I have a feeling that she knows what she wants — I just don’t get to know.

Not surprised there.

I did however get some pictures sent to me.  *and I ended up getting a disc and just putting all of her pictures on that – thanks for the help and ideas.

So now I had no ideas for her birthday and was justo cming up with ideas was just too much.  I couldn’t think of anything, I just knew that I was not going to get her a giftcard.

So a few weeks go by……. go and open my email and there is an email from Amom.  I almost fell out of my chair, I mean I am going through my email and find that she sent an email on April Fools Day.  So I open it and it appears that my beautiful, smart and sassy Supergirl wants to see me ❤  So Amom suggested that it happen during Spring Break.  So while I supposed to go to Charlotte for the BMB retreat weekend I was unable to get a decent price on airline tickets.  So now the plan is the Thursday I was to go to Charlotte to meet my beautiful sisters again I will be having lunch with my girl….

 

There you go.

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Things/life and everything in between

A friend told me awhile ago that I have ignored this blog.  Yeah, I have.

Why?  Because nothing has changed.  BF is still being a bitch.  Biker boy is still Biker boy and E is doing her best.

I finally told E that while I know it wasn’t reasonable to expect an update from BF on a weekly basis, I would like something.  So E went and called BF and they had a talk.  E then called me to tell me about Supergirl.

So 2 months later E did the same thing.  I mentioned to E that I had not heard about her Supergirl’s birthday went after I had asked her (BF) twice.  Either E or BF was confused and BF sent some pictures and commented on the presents that I had sent.  Not what I had asked.

So things —- haven’t really changed.  BF stills says how she wants an open adoption but then her actions speak to something else entirely.  How ever this time around E suggested that BF have my email address so that she (BF) could get in touch with me.  So after changing my settings on both facebook accounts (some one even suggested that I set up a 3rd email account??  really??) I told E to give her my 2nd email address.  So — I have.  and NOTHING.

see nothing has changed….

Birthmom’s Day

I know a lot of people don’t like this term, this day.

The thing is.  I do kinda like this day.  I really, truly dislike Mother’s Day.  Why??  It is a day where I have to put on the smile and pretend that I am happy.  That I don’t mind seeing all these women out there with their children and knowing that I will go home and cry myself to sleep for another night.  The mask is wavering and really cannot wait for it to crash.

There will be more.

Just have a cold and the coughing, sneezing, achy  head feeling is really just too much to put up with.

the White Flag….

…. is about to be raised.

I am tired.

I am worn out.

I don’t know how much more I am expected to take.

I am about to become a statistic. (ironic since I really hated that class)  well, another one since getting pregnant and then placing Supergirl made me a statistic then.

I am tired of having to put so much into a relationship that apparently is not welcomed.

Is it because Supergirl has a birthday coming up?

–Not really

It is because while I play the good girl.  The nice girl.  The pleasant girl.

The Mom gets to be the baddie and get away with it.

This time of Year

I don’t like this time of year.

While I like that the weather is getting warmer and the day lasts a little longer.  My heat isn’t kicking on as much.

I hate the next 6 weeks.

In the course of the next 6 weeks my daughter will turn 5.

My grandfather will be gone for 4 years.

My last visit would have been a year ago.

The day that I forever changed my life will come.

The day that I held Supergirl for the first time will come and go.

The day that Biker Boy and I met the aparents.

Can I crawl under the covers now and wake up on May 1st?

Thank you

Just a quick post to thank everyone for your words and hugs.

I appreciate them and you.

I am here.

Still trying to figure it out.

Still trying to understand.

Still trying to look at pictures.

In response to all 3 of the above.  Can’t.

No more secrets

Well, at least for my brother and sister-in-law.  Their “secret” has enjoyed time with them.  Has pictures with them and asked them questions.  This “secret” is 17 1/2 years old and is beautiful.  I may be biased as an Aunt but then again I don’t care.

I want to send her a message.  But at the same time I don’t want to overwhelm her.  Less then 2 weeks ago she just met her father, mother and 3 birth siblings.  I want to know her.  I don’t want to know her through my brother or my sister-in-law.  I will, however, wait.  I will give her time to get to know her family and to recover from meeting them.

When I talked to my brother I told him I wanted to know the how’s and the when’s.  Come to find out that my nephew, eldest nephew, found E on myspace.  She called her mom to come home from work and her mom had some questions for K, just to verify who she was and then everyone starting shouting.

All of this happened within 12 weeks.

From the time of that first message on myspace to the first face to face there was only 10 weeks.

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