It continues

I just seem to go on and some days it appears to be harder and harder to write.  I just don’t know what to say anymore.

I continue to hope that things will change with BF and it doesn’t.  I have tried to get things to change and it doesn’t.

I just continue to be a thorn in their side and continue to send her things and keep myself in her life.  I will be able to say to her that I tried.  I continued to try and was blocked in every way possible.

 

I can only continue and be myself.

General and Family Relations

Yeah, I haven’t been around.

Things have been…… there.  Really hard to explain.

 

I had a visit in October.  Another visit that was requested by Little MIss herself!! 🙂  It was wonderful to see her.  To have her come up to me and give me a hug when I walked in.  To climb all over me while we were playing.  To give me a hug when I left.

I get my photos by email now.  Not really liking it.  I liked it when I got the photos in the mail.  There was more.  I could hold them in my hand and look at them over and over and over.  Now not so much.

 

A friend of mine brought up a good point the other week.  We are related, if only through Biker Boy.  See Biker Boy has a 1/2 brother, my friend K’s son.  So he and Super Girl are related.  I thing that makes them cousins.  Which is fine by me.  She is an awesome person and is raising an awesome boy with out help from Biker Boy’s dad.

Then — I am getting rid of my old car.  Right now it is sitting hte parking lot waiting to go to it’s next home.

The thing — this is the car that when Biker and I met BF and B for the 1st time, I was with Grams signing the paperwork on the blue car.

10 things part 3

I cannot believe that I am writing another one.

  1. You are close to 59 years old!!!  and yet you use a third person, your son, to get something from your ex wife?!?!?!!?  Somehow I am not surprised by this but the fact that you used your son to do this is a new low, even for you.
  2. You talk to me when I am going thru this ordeal and your comment on it.  ” I want to give you what you want.”  You want me to have a child for you.  You want me to be a single parent in the hopes that you will be able to give us money, when you can.
  3. You tell me that, basically, you want to put a blanket over the whole situation and tell Supergirl, years down the road and tell her: “Here is your sibling”
  4. Once you tell me this, and may I add, that I was not able to sleep.  That I was at a point a few years ago, that if you had brought this up then, I would have said yes.
  5. I have decided on a date to call.  I feel like shit that I have to do this.  I hate, with a passion, that she cannot be a human being and make the call herself.

Ok, I feel better.  Yes it wasn’t 10 but then it doesn’t have to be.

Things

There hasn’t been any movement on the mediation.  That I know of anyway.  I have pictures of Supergirl and I love them.  But looking at them makes me realize that there is now less then 3 months until her birthday (the big 5) and I have no ideas.  I won’t ask L again since she NEVER responded to the letter asking.

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But there is some great things going on.

I am loving Facebook!!!  I talk to my brother and SIL often and through my brother I found one of my other “brothers” J.  While I have 1 bio brother I have 2 “other” brothers.  They were always over our house when we lived in N. Chicago and so their Mothers gave Mom permission to ground and discipline as needed.  So they called them Mom and I called them brothers.

It is nice to talk to him again and reconnect and find out what he has been doing with his life.

Anger part II

I was really hoping that this would only be a one time thing.  But I am still angry.

I am now angry at mother nature for dumping a foot of snow in Vermont.  I am angry for not going up to Vermont.  I need it.  I need the break. I want the time to myself.  So as of right now my plans to get Chinese food for Christmas Eve are on the verge of being cancelled.  My plans to spend Christmas Day in comfortable clothes then going to the beach are on the verge of being cancelled.

 

the only up side???

E will be calling L this week.  Hopefully she will be able to get in touch with her.  I think if I get a phone call from L then I know that E talked to her.  We shall see.

Family

I spent Thanksgiving with my father’s relatives.  They are mine as well.  It was interesting.  My great Uncle who is pretty much deaf, even with his hearing aids, was asking about Father.  I told him that I don’t hear from him and I liked it like that.  He then ask Grams.  I don’t know what she told him since I was onto another conversation.

So, who was at this get together?

Well, Grams, Aunt, Cousin, 3 2nd cousins, 1 3rd cousin, Great Aunt and Uncle, partner and family friend.  I think if I added everyone there were 12 of us.

It was a great dinner.  Then afterwards we had birthday cake to celebrate 2 of my 2nd cousins birthdays!!  So including fruit, pie, cookies, torta, there was birthday cake.

We then sat around and started to play some games.  Well, with this family we sing.  Most of do atleast.  We started to play SongBurst 50’s & 60’s edition.  It was fun!!  Especially watching my 15 y/o cousins’ face looking at his mother, my Aunt, burst into song.  I say it about time.  I was broken in about the same age.  My brother was a few years younger but quickly adapted and sang along.

It was a nice 2 days.  I haven’t seen 1 2nd cousin since the family reunion, about 22 years ago.  The other 2nd cousins, probably about 7 years when my cousin J came back from China with her daughter C.

It did however make me think alot of Supergirl over the weekend and it still has me thinking.

How is she?

What would she like for Christmas?

I miss her.  Some times the holidays just make it worst.

What?

Okay I was out to lunch with my Grams yesterday. Not a big deal. We had the theatre and we usually will go to Bertucci’s or China Jade for dinner. Yesterday was Bertucci’s turn which means China Jade is next month (yummmie).

So we ordered our dinner and were enjoying the rolls with dipping oil and Grams just says “Auntie and I think it is a good idea to tell the family about Super.”

Bread stuck in throat.

“Who?”

“Super”

“Um, don’t you mean Lanky?”

“Yes, that is who I meant.”

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Grams, nor anyone else in the family know about Supergirl. Well, at least the family that we will see at Thanksgiving this year. Since Grandfather passed away and Little Bro and family have moved, it has been me, Grams, Auntie and Cousin. This year it will be: Grams, Auntie, Cousin, Great Aunt and Uncle, 3 second Cousins and adopted cousin, who I last saw shortly after Second Cousin adopted her from China, so we are talking a good 10 years.

This could have been a good time to tell Grams about Supergirl.

Why?

Grams wants to send Lanky a birthday card with a dollar in it. She does it to all the great grand kids. This coming birthday there will be 18$ in it since Lanky will be 18. Grams wants to talk to SIL and pass it by her and she what she thinks.

But I just sat there and by this time our dinner had arrived and I just put a fork full of pasta and chicken in my mouth and chewed. Then changed the subject.

Another chance and another opportunity lost.

Sorry Supergirl. Once again I let you down.

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Edited to add: I saw E yesterday.  She wonders if Grams knows on some level about Supergirl if she is the one who brought up her name out of the blue?

I honestly don’t know.

I am afraid to know.

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