Same oh, same oh

There hasn’t been much activity going on so there hasn’t been anything to write about.  Sorry.

 

I sent an email asking for sizes and ideas for the soon to come Supergirl’s birthday.  The response: send a giftcard she doesn’t know what she wants.  Somehow I don’t think so.  Somehow I have a feeling that she knows what she wants — I just don’t get to know.

Not surprised there.

I did however get some pictures sent to me.  *and I ended up getting a disc and just putting all of her pictures on that – thanks for the help and ideas.

So now I had no ideas for her birthday and was justo cming up with ideas was just too much.  I couldn’t think of anything, I just knew that I was not going to get her a giftcard.

So a few weeks go by……. go and open my email and there is an email from Amom.  I almost fell out of my chair, I mean I am going through my email and find that she sent an email on April Fools Day.  So I open it and it appears that my beautiful, smart and sassy Supergirl wants to see me ❤  So Amom suggested that it happen during Spring Break.  So while I supposed to go to Charlotte for the BMB retreat weekend I was unable to get a decent price on airline tickets.  So now the plan is the Thursday I was to go to Charlotte to meet my beautiful sisters again I will be having lunch with my girl….

 

There you go.

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General and Family Relations

Yeah, I haven’t been around.

Things have been…… there.  Really hard to explain.

 

I had a visit in October.  Another visit that was requested by Little MIss herself!! 🙂  It was wonderful to see her.  To have her come up to me and give me a hug when I walked in.  To climb all over me while we were playing.  To give me a hug when I left.

I get my photos by email now.  Not really liking it.  I liked it when I got the photos in the mail.  There was more.  I could hold them in my hand and look at them over and over and over.  Now not so much.

 

A friend of mine brought up a good point the other week.  We are related, if only through Biker Boy.  See Biker Boy has a 1/2 brother, my friend K’s son.  So he and Super Girl are related.  I thing that makes them cousins.  Which is fine by me.  She is an awesome person and is raising an awesome boy with out help from Biker Boy’s dad.

Then — I am getting rid of my old car.  Right now it is sitting hte parking lot waiting to go to it’s next home.

The thing — this is the car that when Biker and I met BF and B for the 1st time, I was with Grams signing the paperwork on the blue car.

Phone call

Okay meant to write this yesterday but was having some other computer issues so here is, finally, the phone call from E.

She said:

  • -Supergirl was great, lovely (I know this)
  • Visits in the past have been great not awkward
  • L is confused by Supergirl’s response from the last 2 visits
  • Supergirl is excited for the visits but then clams up (just to mention, again, that I have yet to see this, still waiting, but then again it has been over a year and next week makes 13 months)
  • L said she is open minded.  I had to laugh at this.  REALLY, open minded, then why did I have to wait 3 months to find out visits were done?!?!?!   oh yeah, open minded
  • L is fine with talking with K and fine with talking to E
  • E asked if I had any little requests/messages for L.  I actually couldn’t think of anything except for not wanting to be told anything through a 3rd party.  All of the big stuff has been through a 3rd party and has not come from L
  • E said that she wants to work on communication with L so that I am not left to draw my own conclusions.  My response “No shit”

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On a much happy note.

Coworker (CW) got some more pictures for me!!!!  It seems that Supergirl and her son are playing tball, they are not on the same team 😦  but there was some one there who took photos on the first day and had placed them on a snapfish account.  CW ordered those for me.  Out of the 19 she ordered, 16 were of Supergirl.  She said she didn’t know who she was more excited for: finding pictures of her son or finding photos of Supergirl for me.

Friends

I have some awesome friends.  In real life and online.  I talked with a dear friend, who is the only first mom that I have met in real life, and she sent me a text the next day for Supergirl’s birthday.

Then last night, I met up with a group of ladies that I work with and we had some drinks, food, songs and laughs.  One dear friend came up to me and gave me a huge hug and just said “For you and Supergirl’s birthday.”  Another friend, one who I just told about Supergirl, came up to me and said “I wanted to text you but didn’t have your number.  But hopefully you and Supergirl had a good day yesterday.”

Anger — again

I really hate writing about my anger. I hate the fact that I am dealing with people who are older then me and acting worse then I have seen a 2 year old throw a temper tantrum.
Who the hell do they think they are?

*yes I am once again discussing Supergirl’s “parents”
I called E last week since I haven’t heard from her in awhile. We set up a day and time for me to come in since I haven’t seen her since November.
So I asked if she had heard anything.
NO
She has called every week. She has left a message. She has left not 1 but 2 phone numbers for L to reach her at. NOTHING
So I will not run away.
I will not hide.
I will be getting Supergirl something for Valentine’s Day.
I will be sending it.
I will be including a card.
I will sign my name.
I will not leave my daughters life!!!!!!

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I have been discussing this with some beautiful women on one of the forums I belong to. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock. These women would LOVE for their child’s firstmother to be in their life and here I am; wanting to be in Supergirl’s life and being pushed out of it.
Life really isn’t fair.

Things

There hasn’t been any movement on the mediation.  That I know of anyway.  I have pictures of Supergirl and I love them.  But looking at them makes me realize that there is now less then 3 months until her birthday (the big 5) and I have no ideas.  I won’t ask L again since she NEVER responded to the letter asking.

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But there is some great things going on.

I am loving Facebook!!!  I talk to my brother and SIL often and through my brother I found one of my other “brothers” J.  While I have 1 bio brother I have 2 “other” brothers.  They were always over our house when we lived in N. Chicago and so their Mothers gave Mom permission to ground and discipline as needed.  So they called them Mom and I called them brothers.

It is nice to talk to him again and reconnect and find out what he has been doing with his life.

Top 10 songs are close to it

My SIL went and challenged all of her friends on Myspace for their top 10 songs.  Well, a few weeks later I have somewhere close to that and will post them here and send her over.

*these are in no order

Bitch by Meredith Brooks

I’m a Bitch, I”m a lover, I”m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.  I do not feel ashamed.

Pretty much says it all

Straightjacket by Alanis Morissette

Something so benign from me, construed as cruelty

Such a difference between who I am and who you see

Conclusions you come to of me routinely incorrect

I don’t know who you’re talking to with such fucking disrespect

One day I’ll introduce myself and you’ll see you’ve not yet met me.

I feel like sending this to Biker Boy and Supergirl’s parents.  I don’t know what it is about this song but I loved it the first time I heard it and it is still a favorite!  but there are many days when I feel that people don’t see me but they think that they know me.

Your Eyes from Rent

I can’t control

My destiny

I trust my soul

My only goal

Is just to be

No Day but Today

no other words needed IMO

Incomplete by Alannis Morissette

One day I will be healed, I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

One day I will be faith filled.  I’ll be trusting and spacious, authentic and grounded and home.

I lost my trust 4 years ago, I am hoping one day that I will have it again.  I am hoping that one day I will be complete since I have been incomplete for 4 1/2 years.

Not Ready to Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt

There’s nothing left for me to figure out

I’ve paid a price

And  I’ll keep paying

People told me that I would forget the pain.  Haven’t.  they said that I would forgive those that hurt me.  Haven’t.

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