Family

I spent Thanksgiving with my father’s relatives.  They are mine as well.  It was interesting.  My great Uncle who is pretty much deaf, even with his hearing aids, was asking about Father.  I told him that I don’t hear from him and I liked it like that.  He then ask Grams.  I don’t know what she told him since I was onto another conversation.

So, who was at this get together?

Well, Grams, Aunt, Cousin, 3 2nd cousins, 1 3rd cousin, Great Aunt and Uncle, partner and family friend.  I think if I added everyone there were 12 of us.

It was a great dinner.  Then afterwards we had birthday cake to celebrate 2 of my 2nd cousins birthdays!!  So including fruit, pie, cookies, torta, there was birthday cake.

We then sat around and started to play some games.  Well, with this family we sing.  Most of do atleast.  We started to play SongBurst 50’s & 60’s edition.  It was fun!!  Especially watching my 15 y/o cousins’ face looking at his mother, my Aunt, burst into song.  I say it about time.  I was broken in about the same age.  My brother was a few years younger but quickly adapted and sang along.

It was a nice 2 days.  I haven’t seen 1 2nd cousin since the family reunion, about 22 years ago.  The other 2nd cousins, probably about 7 years when my cousin J came back from China with her daughter C.

It did however make me think alot of Supergirl over the weekend and it still has me thinking.

How is she?

What would she like for Christmas?

I miss her.  Some times the holidays just make it worst.

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Top 10 songs are close to it

My SIL went and challenged all of her friends on Myspace for their top 10 songs.  Well, a few weeks later I have somewhere close to that and will post them here and send her over.

*these are in no order

Bitch by Meredith Brooks

I’m a Bitch, I”m a lover, I”m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.  I do not feel ashamed.

Pretty much says it all

Straightjacket by Alanis Morissette

Something so benign from me, construed as cruelty

Such a difference between who I am and who you see

Conclusions you come to of me routinely incorrect

I don’t know who you’re talking to with such fucking disrespect

One day I’ll introduce myself and you’ll see you’ve not yet met me.

I feel like sending this to Biker Boy and Supergirl’s parents.  I don’t know what it is about this song but I loved it the first time I heard it and it is still a favorite!  but there are many days when I feel that people don’t see me but they think that they know me.

Your Eyes from Rent

I can’t control

My destiny

I trust my soul

My only goal

Is just to be

No Day but Today

no other words needed IMO

Incomplete by Alannis Morissette

One day I will be healed, I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

One day I will be faith filled.  I’ll be trusting and spacious, authentic and grounded and home.

I lost my trust 4 years ago, I am hoping one day that I will have it again.  I am hoping that one day I will be complete since I have been incomplete for 4 1/2 years.

Not Ready to Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt

There’s nothing left for me to figure out

I’ve paid a price

And  I’ll keep paying

People told me that I would forget the pain.  Haven’t.  they said that I would forgive those that hurt me.  Haven’t.

Incomplete

Right now this is so me.

You gotta love Alanis Morissette

One day I’ll find relief
I’ll be arrived
And I’ll be friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I’ll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I’ll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

One day my mind will retreat
And I’ll know God
And I’ll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I’ll be secure
Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous
And torturous
And never done

One day I will speak freely
I’ll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I’ll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and home

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

Searches

Every once in awhile I will look and see what people have typed in to find my blog.

The music ones are great!!  Those seem to happen everyday.

Then I came across this one

 

How to secure a birthmom

I am not here to tell you how to find yourself a firstmom.  If you think that —  get away from me!!!  I will never tell you how to rip a part of a soul away from another woman and say it is in the name of love.  I will never tell you what I read some other people do.  Tell lies and then go back on your words because you got what you wanted.

Won’t happen.

Especially from this woman, who goes by the nickname of Bitch.

Life

Things around here have been…………………………….. well, here.

I have been neglecting my blog and I am sorry for that.  I actually am now writing things out at my lunch break when I am not reading.  Hard to do since I normally put on the headphones and blast some music, depending on my mood — depends on the music, and read.  But I have been putting pen to paper and writing.  I have a few posts in the works and will update for all.

hint:

adoption  (like that is ever far from me)

ex’s (just like above)

music (when am I not talking about music -LOL)

Linkin Park

There is a wonderful woman I work with and we got talking about music a few weeks ago and we happen to share a number of the same artists. We were talking about Linkin Park and a new song that they have out called: Bleed it Out. She liked it enough to go out and purchase the CD and then she had purchased a DVD and it came with another copy of the CD so she asked if I would like it. Would I?!??!

I now have another favorite song besides my other one by Sixx AM which is from a movie I will never see but love the song none the less and got 3 coworkers singing lyrics with me when I break out in song.

I don’t know what it is about this song but here it is. It is not loud it is not fast and it is not slow. Just enough.

Hands Held High

Turn my mic up louder,
I got to say somethin.
Lightweights steppin’ aside,
when we comin.
Feel it in your chest,
the syllables get pumpin.
People on the street,
they panic and start running.
Words on loose leaf,
sheet complete coming.
I jump on my mind,
I summon the rhyme of dumping.
Feeling the blind,
I promise to let the sun in.
Sick of the dark ways,
we march to the drumming.
Jump when they tell us
they want to see jumping.
Fuck that, I want to
see some fist pumping.
Risk something.
Take back what’s yours
Say something that you know
they might attack you for
cause I’m sick of being treated
like I have before.
Like it;s stupid standing for
what I’m standing for.
Like this war is really just
a different brand of war.
Like it doesn’t cater to the rich
and an abandoned the poor.
Like they understand you
in the back of the jet,
When you can’t put gas in your tank.
These fuckers are laughing their way
to the bank and cashing their cheque
asking you to have compassion and to have some respect.

For a leader so nervous
in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
in the living room laughing
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen

In my living room watching,
But I am not laughing.
‘Cause when it gets tense,
I know what might happen.
The world is cold,
The bold men take action.
Have to react,
To getting blown into fractions.

10 years old is something to see,
Another kid my age dragged under a jeep,
Taken and bound and found later under a tree,
I wonder if he even thought the next one could be me.
Do you see?
The soldiers that are out today.
That brush the dust with bulletproof vests away.
It’s ironic.
At times like this you pray,
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday.
There’s bombs in the buses, bikes, roads,
inside your markets,your shops, your clothes,
My dad, he’s got a lot of fear I know
but enough pride inside not to let that show.
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine.
In the back he hand wrote a quote inside,
when the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

RENT

What to do you think of when you hear these names:

Tracie Thoms of Cold Case

Jesse L. Martin of Law & Order

Taye Diggs of Private Practice

I think of them from RENT. Jesse and Taye were from the original Broadway production of RENT and they, along with many other of the old timers came back for the movie version. Tracie came in the movie version as Joann.

When I saw E, my therapist, the other day she asked what I was listening to. She knows that my mood reflects the music that I will listen to. I told her that I have been falling asleep with RENT playing in my CD player. She was excited. I told her that the show is closing and that I have never seen the show in New York and I should go down and see it. I would like to more than anything.

To sit in the audience and just soak in all the sights around me. How ever I can really only afford when it comes through Boston every year. Missed this year though. Must go next year.

Here is just a sample of what I am talking about with the lyrics.

Another Day

The heart may freeze or it can burn

The pain will ease if I can learn

There is no future

There is no past

I live the moment

As my last

There’s only yes

only tonight

We must let go

To know what’s right

No other course

No other way

No Day But Today

I can’t control

my destiny

I trust my soul

My only goal

is just to be.

There’s only now

There’s only here

Give into love

Or live in fear

No other path

No other way

No Day But Today

Seasons of Love

*I will shorten this a bit

525,600 minutes

Moments so dear

How do you measure

measure a year?

in daylights, in sunsets

in midnights, in cups of coffee

in inches, in miles

in laughter, in strife

Measure your life in love.

It is a shame that Jonathan Larson died before he saw this open on Broadway.

I remember flying up to Mass for a friends wedding in 1996. I was sitting in my Grandparents living-room watching the Tony Awards when the cast sang “Seasons of Love” I wanted to see the show then.

It was powerful then and it is powerful now.

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