Again

I logged onto Facebook the other night.  There were 2 surprised there for me.

I looked and my niece and nephews had a new friend.  I looked at the name and I freaked out.  I appears J, my so called, father now has a face book page.  He is on block.  Then I looked because I am taking a vacation this year and wanted to tell my Mother when we would be down.  Her page is now gone.

 

Then I have been playing phone tag with E.  It appears she is no longer working at the agency.  So she has been setting up a new email and hours all set and we just have been playing tag and leaving messages with each other.

and no word from AP  (not surprising there)

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General and Family Relations

Yeah, I haven’t been around.

Things have been…… there.  Really hard to explain.

 

I had a visit in October.  Another visit that was requested by Little MIss herself!! 🙂  It was wonderful to see her.  To have her come up to me and give me a hug when I walked in.  To climb all over me while we were playing.  To give me a hug when I left.

I get my photos by email now.  Not really liking it.  I liked it when I got the photos in the mail.  There was more.  I could hold them in my hand and look at them over and over and over.  Now not so much.

 

A friend of mine brought up a good point the other week.  We are related, if only through Biker Boy.  See Biker Boy has a 1/2 brother, my friend K’s son.  So he and Super Girl are related.  I thing that makes them cousins.  Which is fine by me.  She is an awesome person and is raising an awesome boy with out help from Biker Boy’s dad.

Then — I am getting rid of my old car.  Right now it is sitting hte parking lot waiting to go to it’s next home.

The thing — this is the car that when Biker and I met BF and B for the 1st time, I was with Grams signing the paperwork on the blue car.

Things I see

I have been doing alot of reading lately. Which is what I do. I love to read, I love the curling up on the couch, have a drink next to me and just open a book.
My only problem?? for some reason EVERY book that I have pulled out has had a mention of adoption in it. One way or another. Some days it doesn’t bother me and some days it takes all of my nerves not to throw the book across the room.

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Then there is the Supergirl front.
I sent an email to BF and got no response. I sent a second email and got a response with PHOTOS!!!
Do I wish there were more? Hell yeah but it is a step and I will take what I can get.
I am quickly approaching 1 year since the last visit. As a person who avoids confrontation I don’t know how to ask for another. Supergirl asked for the last one.
Do I wait for her to ask?
Do I just open up and ask?
Am I making her life harder because I am fighting to stay in her life?
Plus, I think I am starting to suffer from anxiety…

Just what I don’t need.

Things/life and everything in between

A friend told me awhile ago that I have ignored this blog.  Yeah, I have.

Why?  Because nothing has changed.  BF is still being a bitch.  Biker boy is still Biker boy and E is doing her best.

I finally told E that while I know it wasn’t reasonable to expect an update from BF on a weekly basis, I would like something.  So E went and called BF and they had a talk.  E then called me to tell me about Supergirl.

So 2 months later E did the same thing.  I mentioned to E that I had not heard about her Supergirl’s birthday went after I had asked her (BF) twice.  Either E or BF was confused and BF sent some pictures and commented on the presents that I had sent.  Not what I had asked.

So things —- haven’t really changed.  BF stills says how she wants an open adoption but then her actions speak to something else entirely.  How ever this time around E suggested that BF have my email address so that she (BF) could get in touch with me.  So after changing my settings on both facebook accounts (some one even suggested that I set up a 3rd email account??  really??) I told E to give her my 2nd email address.  So — I have.  and NOTHING.

see nothing has changed….

???

How does one go about changing a relationship that some feel don’t need to be changed???

I don’t like the way the relationship is.  I don’t like that while I am told one thing — actions speak something else entirely.

Have been trying to get in touch with E but that has not happened.

Things

I cannot believe that I haven’t written about the awful phone call that was almost 2 months ago.

the GREAT weekend I had in Charlotte meeting a wonderful group of Firstmoms.

the crap that is going on my head at the moment.

for now, I think I will try sleep.

Supergirl

My girl is now 6!!!

I cannot believe it.  I cannot believe that I continue to be on the sidelines and wonder just where I place in her life.

I know I went overboard with her birthday presents.  I think I spent the same amount on her birthday as I do for Christmas.  I usually don’t do that.  I still have to mail everything so we will see if anything gets returned but I need to get everything spread out and look at it all and maybe some of it will go into the Christmas pile and I will have started her Christmas presents.

Here is the thing:

I am all ready working on her Christmas present.

I need to get started on her kindergarten graduation present.

I found a project for her next birthday.

All 3 of the above are things that involve, knitting, counted cross stitch and another no sew blanket (probably with a pillow or two)

❤ you my beautiful, sassy, intelligent girl.  You are so loved and missed and remembered.

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