Singing

Maybe I am over my anger.

How do I know? I was singing in my car.  It may not be anything big to anyone else but I haven’t wanted to sing in my car.  I used to do all the time.  Find a song and just start.  But since the melt down last month I haven’t been able to really listen to a whole song.  My angry music wasn’t cutting it anymore.

It wasn’t working.  It wasn’t angry enough.

This week I am watching my friends cat while she is away camping. 
So last night after work, I got in my car and got myself ready for a 20 minute drive up 95 and so I put in a CD.

Turned out to be the right one.

Natalie Merchant and 10,000 maniacs

Tracy Chapman

Jewel

Stevie Nicks

Dixie Chicks

Meredith Brooks

Alannis

Bonnie Tyler

 

I sing songs from all of these wonder artists.  Karoake can be theraputic but I just haven’t  been in a mood to sing anything.

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Other news.

I received pictures for the 3rd moth in a row.  Makes me wonder if guilt is laying heavily on her mind right now.  This is her way to make it up to me.

Right now it confuses the hell out of me.  I don’t want to expect this every month because they have broken promises in the past but it just makes me wonder if it will continue.

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Rather sad news is that a dear friend lost her father on Monday.  He went into the hospital April and never came home.  Everytime he went from the hospital to rehab he would relapse.

I met this man a few times and he will be missed.

RIP

This has been a weird week.

They say that bad news comes in 3’s.  Well, I ended up hitting that all in one day but I didn’t know it.

#1

My coworkers sister passed away on Tuesday.  She was only 24 years old.  She had Cancer and while she was going to get a bone marrow transfer, she caught Chicken Pox.  Chicken Pox helped to bring her down.  Sassy, I am sorry to hear about your sister and just know that now she is with your Mom and in no more pain.

#2

There was a news story that I caught just a bit of and was unable to hear about it on Tuesday.  Come to find out it was my cubby mates nephew.  He was hanging out with friends and he was dared to jump.  He jumped.  The riptide and current was so strong that when the sun set on Monday they had to suspend the search until Tuesday.  J was not in the best spirits when I saw her.   We all call her Mom.  If you looked in her filing cabinets you would understand.  Bandaids, ear phones, batteries, aspirin, Motrin, the all important Chocolate, slippers, scarf, etc.

#3

He was a local restaurant owner and author.  He did things for Big Brother/Big Sisters.  I met him a few times and had to say he was funny.  He wrote 3 books and Biker Boy is in book two and Phil asked Biker Boy to be his bodyguard when they went on tour.  Phil was even booked on The Tonight Show.  Unfortunately, the ride fell through and nothing else came of it.  Phil went missing on Friday, 6/27 and was reported missing by his wife and was found on 7/2 of an apparent suicide in the parking lot of a  Walmart in Epping, New Hampshire.

Phil Englehardt will be missed by many.  I went up to Seabrook, New Hampshire yesterday and there were flowers in the entrance way of the Honey Bee.  The restaurant that he owned for many years and that he closed down in 07.

RIP

Linkin Park

There is a wonderful woman I work with and we got talking about music a few weeks ago and we happen to share a number of the same artists. We were talking about Linkin Park and a new song that they have out called: Bleed it Out. She liked it enough to go out and purchase the CD and then she had purchased a DVD and it came with another copy of the CD so she asked if I would like it. Would I?!??!

I now have another favorite song besides my other one by Sixx AM which is from a movie I will never see but love the song none the less and got 3 coworkers singing lyrics with me when I break out in song.

I don’t know what it is about this song but here it is. It is not loud it is not fast and it is not slow. Just enough.

Hands Held High

Turn my mic up louder,
I got to say somethin.
Lightweights steppin’ aside,
when we comin.
Feel it in your chest,
the syllables get pumpin.
People on the street,
they panic and start running.
Words on loose leaf,
sheet complete coming.
I jump on my mind,
I summon the rhyme of dumping.
Feeling the blind,
I promise to let the sun in.
Sick of the dark ways,
we march to the drumming.
Jump when they tell us
they want to see jumping.
Fuck that, I want to
see some fist pumping.
Risk something.
Take back what’s yours
Say something that you know
they might attack you for
cause I’m sick of being treated
like I have before.
Like it;s stupid standing for
what I’m standing for.
Like this war is really just
a different brand of war.
Like it doesn’t cater to the rich
and an abandoned the poor.
Like they understand you
in the back of the jet,
When you can’t put gas in your tank.
These fuckers are laughing their way
to the bank and cashing their cheque
asking you to have compassion and to have some respect.

For a leader so nervous
in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
in the living room laughing
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen

In my living room watching,
But I am not laughing.
‘Cause when it gets tense,
I know what might happen.
The world is cold,
The bold men take action.
Have to react,
To getting blown into fractions.

10 years old is something to see,
Another kid my age dragged under a jeep,
Taken and bound and found later under a tree,
I wonder if he even thought the next one could be me.
Do you see?
The soldiers that are out today.
That brush the dust with bulletproof vests away.
It’s ironic.
At times like this you pray,
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday.
There’s bombs in the buses, bikes, roads,
inside your markets,your shops, your clothes,
My dad, he’s got a lot of fear I know
but enough pride inside not to let that show.
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine.
In the back he hand wrote a quote inside,
when the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

I apologize

I am sorry for being so remiss and not writing anything. I am working on a few posts and may even post 2 in 1 day.

Do you think you will be able to handle that.

It has been a busy week. I will say this.

visit

car accident

small world news

lack of sleep

insurance

friends

work

pictures

It’s a small world

My world got smaller this week.

Was it a good thing? a bad thing? Not really.

I have become friends with one of B’s exes. She has the same name as I do and we are the same age. Come to find out this week she noticed that I worked at McD’s and the same time she worked there. We have been talking about people that we knew while we worked there and I had to tell her the bad news about one of our friends, Cindy, who passed away from lung cancer about 7 years ago.

Then since I had such a bad week I decided to go out and up to the club last night. I was pulling into the parking lot and there was a car pulling up to exit and it was B. So I go walking in and people start coming up to me telling me what great timing I had and B was just there and he may be back.

Great.

I just want a night to relax, hang out with my friends and not worry about any drama. Well, he didn’t show back up but he was talking to L as she was coming back in and said, “She doesn’t talk to me anymore” didn’t realize that was a problem. “didn’t realize you two became such good friends” well you did make me try to hate her.

The reason he was out? R is in jail, no big surprise there. He is in jail for back child support payments. When I went and told T about it today her only question was “which one?” I don’t know it could be one of 2 people. It was just nice to get out.

Then there is 19 hours until the visit. Fingers crossed. Knock on wood.

I’ve been tagged

My friend Tara and it appears Oceans have tagged me and so I will try to come up with 6 random things about me.

1) I hate horror movies – well – trully dislike them. I would rather watch a comedy or a romance comedy. Which is sad because my first movie I saw was “Children of the Corn”. I spent New Year’s Eve a few years ago at a friends and we watched a horror movie. I think the best part about it was when R, my friend T, boyfriend, screamed and almost fell off the bar stool.

2) I am a reader. I can, if the mood strikes me, read 3-4 books a week. I am not talking thin, skinny books. I am talking books that are atleast 300+ pages. I am currently going thru the Henry the XIII period and the Tudors. Fiction, nonfiction it doesn’t matter.

3) I am related to royality. I am related to Lady Jane Grey, the 9 day Queen of England who was related to Henry the XIII. I am also related to the first published poetress in the new world and I had relatives called out as warlocks during the Salem Witch Trials.

4) I am incredibly shy. Almost to the point of I would rather stay at home then go out. I have been going to the same bar for years and I still don’t like walking in there because I am afraid that I will know noone there and be by myself.

5) I have never broken a bone. Never and that is from not trying. I remember falling out of a tree when I was little. Flying off a merry go round. Sometimes I tried. Never broke anything but I have pulled the tendons and ligaments in my elbow 2x and was told if I did it again I would need pins to hold it together.

6) I love to cook!! Not the simple things, hard boiled eggs, mac n cheese. I am talking a chicken dish that if I am not in a rush to cook takes over an hour. I will marinate chicken in different things to see how they taste, I can tell you that orange juice with garlic is a great marinade for a summer dish with cold pasta.

Now who to tag:

http://coleybell.wordpress.com/ coley

http://chasingashley.wordpress.com/ IBF

http://insideamothersheart.blogspot.com/ inside

http://secretbmom.blogspot.com/ Brown

2 days

There are now only 2 days before her birthday.

I sent her presents on Friday and I am sure as anything that they received the box on Saturday since I sent it Priority mail.  So I was just alittle shocked to get a call from L on Saturday.  She said “Haven’t forgotten you.”  Really, you want to try that one again. I think that the only reason why she called is because they received the box.

I wasn’t home.  Which in and of itself is a good thing.  Because then I would have just stared at the phone while it was ringing looking at their name in the caller id and wonder what this call is going to hold for me.

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I called back yesterday.

I left a message.

She called back 🙂

I heard Supergirl in the background 🙂

 I heard her laughter 🙂

 I heard her talking 🙂

I was filled in on the world of Supergirl.

I know that they got her a swingset for her birthday this year.

I know that she is a picky eater, eating only much of what I eat (tell that there is nothing to nature in this).

She doesn’t eat the same foods I don’t eat.  I am a picky eater.  B is a picky eater.  Even my cousin is a well known picky eater in the family.

Don’t tell me that there is nothing to Nature and it is all Nuture becasuse I will tell you that you are full of it!!!

 

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We talked about getting together.

There are 13 days until I hope (hope against anything) that I will see her again.  For my eyes to look into hers and for her to see a connection between us.  For me take my own pictures and not rely on the ones that she sends.

 

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I am still getting away.  I will be going to Rockland, Maine.  Why?  It just sounds nice and peaceful and quiet and of course there are lighthouses near by 😉

 

Oh and to a beautiful friend who answered her phone.  Thank you Thank you and Thank you.  It helped to center and balance me for the night at work.

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