10 Things

I really need to get a bunch of stuff of my chest and so I changed a saved post and I am going with this.  I got this from a dear friend and she said she felt better.  Let’s see if it works.


basically you get to get 10 things off your chest without naming people.


1) Grow up you loser.  Your son wants to follow in your footsteps and you said that won’t happen??  How in the hell do you think that it won’t.  All he has known is his father with no job, no money, going from one relationship to another with no stability in his life.  You have how many kids?  Yes I am counting the ones that you don’t see.  What I think it really funny  not funny since my daughter is this, is that you see NONE of your daughters!!!  How many are those.  There is Supergirl, there is D and there is the one who may not be yours but you don’t know and she is going to let another man think that she may be his.  Grow up, get a job.  Right now I am really, really glad that Supergirl doesn’t know you.  That she will not know you.  She doesn’t need that shit in her life.

2) T I wish, wish that there was something that I can do to help you.  I am here.  Call me at anytime of the day or night.  I don’t care.  I worry about you.  I worry about mom and I worry about dad.  I don’t want him to give up.  He has a wonderful life and family.  I want him home to enjoy them for many years to come.  I want him to walk into your new house and say how happy he is for you.  I want to go to your old house for a party or just to relax and listen to them talk with his great Irish accent.

3) L I wish you would come to realize that I am not a threat.  I love Supergirl just as much as you do.  Is that really such a bad thing?  Is it a bad thing when Supergirl can have a conversation with me?  Is it a bad thing that I get 10 seconds to Supergirl to myself?  Is it really such a bad thing to keep me in her life when I haven’t done a damn thing otherwise except to walk on egg shells and pussyfoot around issues because I want to stay in her life?

4) L (I know too many of you)  I am glad that we have other things to talk about besides B.  I don’t want to talk  about him, especially to you.  I am tied to him whether I like it or not for years because of Supergirl.  I cannot break my promises like other people.  Don’t bad mouth him to me.  I know.  I don’t need it brought up everytime I see you.  There is much more that we can talk about.

5) L (another L name, going to have to start nicknames for them)  don’t let anyone tell you that you are a bad mother.  G has thrived since his diag.   He has grown and he is healthy and happy and he loves you.  You are a beautiful person and friend and mother.

6) J I may talk to you but that doesn’t mean that I forgive you.  I don’t have the anger anymore that I had but I just don’t trust you.  You tell me things and I know that it isn’t the truth.  So go on and keep telling yourself that M calmed you and it is a good thing that he is younger then you.  Because many of us know that you are lieing and that you are full of it.

7) Adoption.  I hate that I know this word.  I hate that I know the feelings that it brings.  I hate seeing how “bad” I am or that many of my friends are “bad” because we placed a child for adoption, whether with or without coersion.  I hate that I know the terminology.  I hate to know what the words mean.

8. to Aparents who just don’t get it.  Your child may or may not have issues.  Open your eyes and realize that just because I placed my child and my friends placed theirs that there is not sorrow and hurt there.  Don’t stick your head in the ground and hum to yourself that since the child was placed there are no issues because there is.  Life isn’t all roses and butterflies.  There are thunderstorms, hail and hurricanes.  Realize this now.

9) Lies.  I mean really.  Don’t lie to get what you want and then turnaround and say that you don’t want it.  You want to know who you are hurting?  Look into that child eyes and tell yourself that you know best until the day those eyes turn towards you in hate because you lied to them.  Then what are you going to say.

10) J, I don’t know how much I can give you.  I don’t know how much I have left.  I would like to try.  I just want you to know J, that it won’t be easy.  I am fragile.  I am hurt.  I have been lied to and just don’t know who or what I can trust anymore.  but I want to try.