What?

Okay I was out to lunch with my Grams yesterday. Not a big deal. We had the theatre and we usually will go to Bertucci’s or China Jade for dinner. Yesterday was Bertucci’s turn which means China Jade is next month (yummmie).

So we ordered our dinner and were enjoying the rolls with dipping oil and Grams just says “Auntie and I think it is a good idea to tell the family about Super.”

Bread stuck in throat.

“Who?”

“Super”

“Um, don’t you mean Lanky?”

“Yes, that is who I meant.”

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Grams, nor anyone else in the family know about Supergirl. Well, at least the family that we will see at Thanksgiving this year. Since Grandfather passed away and Little Bro and family have moved, it has been me, Grams, Auntie and Cousin. This year it will be: Grams, Auntie, Cousin, Great Aunt and Uncle, 3 second Cousins and adopted cousin, who I last saw shortly after Second Cousin adopted her from China, so we are talking a good 10 years.

This could have been a good time to tell Grams about Supergirl.

Why?

Grams wants to send Lanky a birthday card with a dollar in it. She does it to all the great grand kids. This coming birthday there will be 18$ in it since Lanky will be 18. Grams wants to talk to SIL and pass it by her and she what she thinks.

But I just sat there and by this time our dinner had arrived and I just put a fork full of pasta and chicken in my mouth and chewed. Then changed the subject.

Another chance and another opportunity lost.

Sorry Supergirl. Once again I let you down.

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Edited to add: I saw E yesterday.  She wonders if Grams knows on some level about Supergirl if she is the one who brought up her name out of the blue?

I honestly don’t know.

I am afraid to know.

The secret is done

There isn’t another way to put it.

M’s son graduated from preschool last night and there goes my tie to Supergirl.  Well, one of my ties.  She only ran into Supergirl once.  I told her not to search her out.  I told her to just let it happen.  And it did.  There was the 1 run in.  I wrote that conversation down and I hold onto it dearly.

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I received some new pictures of Supergirl and she is just too cute for words.  I told my SIL and she took a look and agrees, she looks like me.  Just like E looks like her.  I agree.

Therapist found someone who is willing to talk to me and to L and see what is and isn’t working in this so called open adoption.  C would talk to me and then talk to L and then we would all get together and discuss and talk and see what is working and what isn’t.

I am scared shitless.

There is no other word for it.  The last time that we had a meeting I was hit with the big “We are too busy” crap.

There isn’t any further back we can go, well only to semi and closed but there isn’t much more back we can go in the “open” we are in now.