The unknown

I have been trying to figure out the words to my brother and sister in law to go about introducing myself to my almost 18 year old niece.  I don’t know how to do it.  I really just don’t want to come out of my mouth and sound rude.  I don’t want it to sound whinny.  I just want it to sound sincere.

E on the other hand has become a celebrity in the family whether she knows it or not.  My grandmother told my Aunt and she would like pictures so that she can explain it to my cousin.

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Is this all it takes?

Would they all be like that if I told them about Supergirl?

Would they welcome her into their lives just as they have welcomed E?

I feel the need/the want to tell them but I stop myself every time.  I cannot speak the words that keep running around in my head just waiting for the time to come out.

Why can’t I do this?

Why can’t I speak from the heart and tell them?

Why can’t I tell E (therapist not to be confused to new awesomest neice) that I want to go ahead with a true mediation to get through this.

I am tired of living my life like this.

I am tired of not knowing any answers.

I am tired of the waiting.

I am tired of the unknowing.

I am tired.

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