I hate this date.

Today is the 28th.

On this day last year my life changed again, forever, for the 2nd or 3rd time in the course of 4 years.
On this date I had a phone call with amom, I cannot even use her name right now. On this phone call, which was on a Friday, a day of thunderstorms, a day in which I had finished my lunch of Taco Bell. A day in which I was, once again, waiting for a response to a note that I had sent to her to set up a visit.
Not within 3 minutes of the phone call, I was told that there would be no more visits.
I was asked if I noticed how Supergirl was acting different, off.
I was then told for the next 20 or so minutes about every thing else in Supergirl’s life.
Her likes, her dislikes.
Honestly, all I ever wanted to do was to go into the bathroom and get rid of the lunch that I had finished with the past 2 hours.
I was in tears for the NIGHT!!! not just for bits and pieces but for the NIGHT!!!

Now here is ….. 1 year later.
I haven’t seen Supergirl since April 28th, 2008.
Yes I am keeping count.

*edited to add

How did I even forget the actually date this all happened on?  Is it a coping strategy for me?

I remember it was a Friday.  Which means the phone call was on the 25th.  Really it doesn’t matter — I was in enough pain that day and the day before.  I was not able to play with Goober like I usually do.

How could I forget another day that would forever alter my universe? My being? My security? My sanity?

How????

10 things part 3

I cannot believe that I am writing another one.

  1. You are close to 59 years old!!!  and yet you use a third person, your son, to get something from your ex wife?!?!?!!?  Somehow I am not surprised by this but the fact that you used your son to do this is a new low, even for you.
  2. You talk to me when I am going thru this ordeal and your comment on it.  ” I want to give you what you want.”  You want me to have a child for you.  You want me to be a single parent in the hopes that you will be able to give us money, when you can.
  3. You tell me that, basically, you want to put a blanket over the whole situation and tell Supergirl, years down the road and tell her: “Here is your sibling”
  4. Once you tell me this, and may I add, that I was not able to sleep.  That I was at a point a few years ago, that if you had brought this up then, I would have said yes.
  5. I have decided on a date to call.  I feel like shit that I have to do this.  I hate, with a passion, that she cannot be a human being and make the call herself.

Ok, I feel better.  Yes it wasn’t 10 but then it doesn’t have to be.

I apologize

I am sorry for being so remiss and not writing anything. I am working on a few posts and may even post 2 in 1 day.

Do you think you will be able to handle that.

It has been a busy week. I will say this.

visit

car accident

small world news

lack of sleep

insurance

friends

work

pictures

2 days

There are now only 2 days before her birthday.

I sent her presents on Friday and I am sure as anything that they received the box on Saturday since I sent it Priority mail.  So I was just alittle shocked to get a call from L on Saturday.  She said “Haven’t forgotten you.”  Really, you want to try that one again. I think that the only reason why she called is because they received the box.

I wasn’t home.  Which in and of itself is a good thing.  Because then I would have just stared at the phone while it was ringing looking at their name in the caller id and wonder what this call is going to hold for me.

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I called back yesterday.

I left a message.

She called back 🙂

I heard Supergirl in the background 🙂

 I heard her laughter 🙂

 I heard her talking 🙂

I was filled in on the world of Supergirl.

I know that they got her a swingset for her birthday this year.

I know that she is a picky eater, eating only much of what I eat (tell that there is nothing to nature in this).

She doesn’t eat the same foods I don’t eat.  I am a picky eater.  B is a picky eater.  Even my cousin is a well known picky eater in the family.

Don’t tell me that there is nothing to Nature and it is all Nuture becasuse I will tell you that you are full of it!!!

 

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We talked about getting together.

There are 13 days until I hope (hope against anything) that I will see her again.  For my eyes to look into hers and for her to see a connection between us.  For me take my own pictures and not rely on the ones that she sends.

 

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I am still getting away.  I will be going to Rockland, Maine.  Why?  It just sounds nice and peaceful and quiet and of course there are lighthouses near by 😉

 

Oh and to a beautiful friend who answered her phone.  Thank you Thank you and Thank you.  It helped to center and balance me for the night at work.