Words/thoughts

I won’t write about the Pregnancy Pact that appears to be nothing.  Nothing in the sense that I have nothing new to say about it.  Others have done a much better job of it then I could so I will leave it to them.

I am not far from it.

It is only about 30 minutes away from me.  The principal is going back and forth.  The Time writer apparently didn’t speak to any of the pregnant teens and just took the word of fellow high school students.

I won’t write about the Neil Entwhistle case.

He is guilty.

His parents are idiots for trying to blame their now dead daughter in law of murdering their grandchild then killing herself and he was trying to protect her reputation.  I can see how he was protecting her and being a loving husband and father by putting a gun to the torso of his child and pulling the trigger then shooting his wife in the head.  So loving in fact that he didn’t call 911.  So loving that he went to the airport and flew home to England and didn’t tell anyone.

Yeah real love there.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/

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I don’t know.  I have been in a mood lately.  I have alot of anger.

But my secret wasn’t over with just yet.  I have more pictures coming my way from M.  Cannot wait for them.

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The secret is done

There isn’t another way to put it.

M’s son graduated from preschool last night and there goes my tie to Supergirl.  Well, one of my ties.  She only ran into Supergirl once.  I told her not to search her out.  I told her to just let it happen.  And it did.  There was the 1 run in.  I wrote that conversation down and I hold onto it dearly.

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I received some new pictures of Supergirl and she is just too cute for words.  I told my SIL and she took a look and agrees, she looks like me.  Just like E looks like her.  I agree.

Therapist found someone who is willing to talk to me and to L and see what is and isn’t working in this so called open adoption.  C would talk to me and then talk to L and then we would all get together and discuss and talk and see what is working and what isn’t.

I am scared shitless.

There is no other word for it.  The last time that we had a meeting I was hit with the big “We are too busy” crap.

There isn’t any further back we can go, well only to semi and closed but there isn’t much more back we can go in the “open” we are in now.

No more secrets

Well, at least for my brother and sister-in-law.  Their “secret” has enjoyed time with them.  Has pictures with them and asked them questions.  This “secret” is 17 1/2 years old and is beautiful.  I may be biased as an Aunt but then again I don’t care.

I want to send her a message.  But at the same time I don’t want to overwhelm her.  Less then 2 weeks ago she just met her father, mother and 3 birth siblings.  I want to know her.  I don’t want to know her through my brother or my sister-in-law.  I will, however, wait.  I will give her time to get to know her family and to recover from meeting them.

When I talked to my brother I told him I wanted to know the how’s and the when’s.  Come to find out that my nephew, eldest nephew, found E on myspace.  She called her mom to come home from work and her mom had some questions for K, just to verify who she was and then everyone starting shouting.

All of this happened within 12 weeks.

From the time of that first message on myspace to the first face to face there was only 10 weeks.

All My Children

I have watched soap operas/day time television for years.  I have grown up with Ryan’s Hope before it became Loving.  All My Children, One Life To Live and General Hospital.  I have grown up with Erica Kane and all of her marriages, affairs, jobs and divorces.  Adam Chandler and Palmer Cortland.  and the famous Luke and Laura wedding.

Then there is the saga of Tad and Dixie from AMC.  A number of years ago Dixie left, she was pregnant.  There was an accident.  There was the evil doctor who convinced her that she wouldn’t live and so see signed away her rights to parent her child.  The child, Kate/Kathy, then was adopted illegally (no surprise there).

Fast forward.

Kate/Kathy is back in Pine Valley being raised by her Aunt Julia as her parents passed away last year from an accident.  Tad and Kathy connected from day one.  They got along great and had a great time together.  Dixie is now dead, Tad is looking for his Kate.  There is a shooting and now Tad is injured and Julia is dead.

Long story short.  Tad just recently found out that Kathy is his Kate.  He wondered how he was going to tell her that he is her Dad.  His adoptive father, Joe, told him the words would come to him.  Another long story there.  But for those who know the show know the story.

He did it.  I was in tears.  It was done great.  I had to call my friend Coley and let her know and told her to have a tissue with her.

Interested in seeing how this continues.  So I will continue to watch the saga that goes on in Pine Valley, PA.

My job part 2

I know my last post about my job made it look like it was all down. It isn’t.

It isn’t a big company. I know the owner by name and he knows mine. I know the managers and we can joke back and forth on a regular basis.

We talk sports. Hello, this is New England and so everyone: with the exception of a few lost souls: are Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots fans. We discuss stats, runs, missed plays, homers and injuries.

The owner is wonderful. He has a appreciation dinner every month. One for first shift and one for second. He comes to the dinners and talks with everyone.

I work with all women. It isn’t bad. Every once in awhile there will be a male who join our ranks but for reasons unknown to us they don’t work out. We don’t do anything — well that we know of. We talk. We have very interesting conversations and points of view. I think our ages go from 23 to 45. Many of us have kids and we will talk about said kids. I don’t join in all of these conversations. Because there are a few coworkers I will never tell about Supergirl and her adoption. Just comments that they have made in passing make me bite my tongue in order to keep my job. I like the job and would like to keep it.

Many nights we are in tears because we are laughing so hard. I have learned many new ways on how to spell words like: nausea, vomiting and diarrhea to name a few. Enough different spellings to make me wonder if I remember if I know how to spell them.

We talk music, books, life, movies, television.

We talk about boyfriends, husbands, exes, in-laws, parents, neighbors.

We talk about new shops, restaurants, scrapping supply stores; the local ones, not Michael’s or AC Moore.

My job

There are many days when I love my job.  I do.  I may vent that they are getting on my case that my numbers are low or not as high as they normally are but then again I am also second in command so I have to help G answer questions as the night goes on, enter my runs and correct QC (quality control) for the newbies and the random QC I have to do for the others.  Oh, and take incoming phone calls. No pressure.  (smirk)

Any way — there are really interesting days.  My job is different.  I don’t know of anyone who does ambulance medical billing.  Basically, you call 911 and there is a good chance I could get it at work.  We do over 200 towns in 6 states.  I also help with the new towns and work out kinks and pass them on to others.

Then there are the nights were I am in tears because a parent thought it was a good thing to co-sleep with a child and while asleep, rolled over on top of said infant.  Parents wakes up.  Realizes what happened.  Calls 911 and I see “officer running out of house with limp infant in arms.  Blue around lips, no pulse.”  I cry.  So I really just want to scream when I read on the forums about aparents who think it such a great idea to do this as they seem to think this is a way to bond.  gag.  double gag.

Then there are the nights when I see alot of  Supergirl’s name.  A good number of nights I can deal and it won’t be a problem but she has a common name. There is nothing special about her name.  It is always there.  Tonight it jolted me.

Then the nights were I get a minor who is pregnant and is in labor.  And come to find out this isn’t the first.

I think the worst part of the job is that when I watch the news, and my coworkers do this as well, we see where the accident or incident happened to see if we are getting the run at work.  Gives new meaning to watching the television now.

Then listing to the stupid morons talk about nothing that they know about but want to sound important when they sound like the idiots they are and give us a reason to laugh.

I really like weekends.

I really like holidays.

Linkin Park

There is a wonderful woman I work with and we got talking about music a few weeks ago and we happen to share a number of the same artists. We were talking about Linkin Park and a new song that they have out called: Bleed it Out. She liked it enough to go out and purchase the CD and then she had purchased a DVD and it came with another copy of the CD so she asked if I would like it. Would I?!??!

I now have another favorite song besides my other one by Sixx AM which is from a movie I will never see but love the song none the less and got 3 coworkers singing lyrics with me when I break out in song.

I don’t know what it is about this song but here it is. It is not loud it is not fast and it is not slow. Just enough.

Hands Held High

Turn my mic up louder,
I got to say somethin.
Lightweights steppin’ aside,
when we comin.
Feel it in your chest,
the syllables get pumpin.
People on the street,
they panic and start running.
Words on loose leaf,
sheet complete coming.
I jump on my mind,
I summon the rhyme of dumping.
Feeling the blind,
I promise to let the sun in.
Sick of the dark ways,
we march to the drumming.
Jump when they tell us
they want to see jumping.
Fuck that, I want to
see some fist pumping.
Risk something.
Take back what’s yours
Say something that you know
they might attack you for
cause I’m sick of being treated
like I have before.
Like it;s stupid standing for
what I’m standing for.
Like this war is really just
a different brand of war.
Like it doesn’t cater to the rich
and an abandoned the poor.
Like they understand you
in the back of the jet,
When you can’t put gas in your tank.
These fuckers are laughing their way
to the bank and cashing their cheque
asking you to have compassion and to have some respect.

For a leader so nervous
in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
in the living room laughing
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen

In my living room watching,
But I am not laughing.
‘Cause when it gets tense,
I know what might happen.
The world is cold,
The bold men take action.
Have to react,
To getting blown into fractions.

10 years old is something to see,
Another kid my age dragged under a jeep,
Taken and bound and found later under a tree,
I wonder if he even thought the next one could be me.
Do you see?
The soldiers that are out today.
That brush the dust with bulletproof vests away.
It’s ironic.
At times like this you pray,
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday.
There’s bombs in the buses, bikes, roads,
inside your markets,your shops, your clothes,
My dad, he’s got a lot of fear I know
but enough pride inside not to let that show.
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine.
In the back he hand wrote a quote inside,
when the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.