Singing

Maybe I am over my anger.

How do I know? I was singing in my car.  It may not be anything big to anyone else but I haven’t wanted to sing in my car.  I used to do all the time.  Find a song and just start.  But since the melt down last month I haven’t been able to really listen to a whole song.  My angry music wasn’t cutting it anymore.

It wasn’t working.  It wasn’t angry enough.

This week I am watching my friends cat while she is away camping. 
So last night after work, I got in my car and got myself ready for a 20 minute drive up 95 and so I put in a CD.

Turned out to be the right one.

Natalie Merchant and 10,000 maniacs

Tracy Chapman

Jewel

Stevie Nicks

Dixie Chicks

Meredith Brooks

Alannis

Bonnie Tyler

 

I sing songs from all of these wonder artists.  Karoake can be theraputic but I just haven’t  been in a mood to sing anything.

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Other news.

I received pictures for the 3rd moth in a row.  Makes me wonder if guilt is laying heavily on her mind right now.  This is her way to make it up to me.

Right now it confuses the hell out of me.  I don’t want to expect this every month because they have broken promises in the past but it just makes me wonder if it will continue.

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Rather sad news is that a dear friend lost her father on Monday.  He went into the hospital April and never came home.  Everytime he went from the hospital to rehab he would relapse.

I met this man a few times and he will be missed.

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Life

Things around here have been…………………………….. well, here.

I have been neglecting my blog and I am sorry for that.  I actually am now writing things out at my lunch break when I am not reading.  Hard to do since I normally put on the headphones and blast some music, depending on my mood — depends on the music, and read.  But I have been putting pen to paper and writing.  I have a few posts in the works and will update for all.

hint:

adoption  (like that is ever far from me)

ex’s (just like above)

music (when am I not talking about music -LOL)

Linkin Park

There is a wonderful woman I work with and we got talking about music a few weeks ago and we happen to share a number of the same artists. We were talking about Linkin Park and a new song that they have out called: Bleed it Out. She liked it enough to go out and purchase the CD and then she had purchased a DVD and it came with another copy of the CD so she asked if I would like it. Would I?!??!

I now have another favorite song besides my other one by Sixx AM which is from a movie I will never see but love the song none the less and got 3 coworkers singing lyrics with me when I break out in song.

I don’t know what it is about this song but here it is. It is not loud it is not fast and it is not slow. Just enough.

Hands Held High

Turn my mic up louder,
I got to say somethin.
Lightweights steppin’ aside,
when we comin.
Feel it in your chest,
the syllables get pumpin.
People on the street,
they panic and start running.
Words on loose leaf,
sheet complete coming.
I jump on my mind,
I summon the rhyme of dumping.
Feeling the blind,
I promise to let the sun in.
Sick of the dark ways,
we march to the drumming.
Jump when they tell us
they want to see jumping.
Fuck that, I want to
see some fist pumping.
Risk something.
Take back what’s yours
Say something that you know
they might attack you for
cause I’m sick of being treated
like I have before.
Like it;s stupid standing for
what I’m standing for.
Like this war is really just
a different brand of war.
Like it doesn’t cater to the rich
and an abandoned the poor.
Like they understand you
in the back of the jet,
When you can’t put gas in your tank.
These fuckers are laughing their way
to the bank and cashing their cheque
asking you to have compassion and to have some respect.

For a leader so nervous
in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
in the living room laughing
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen

In my living room watching,
But I am not laughing.
‘Cause when it gets tense,
I know what might happen.
The world is cold,
The bold men take action.
Have to react,
To getting blown into fractions.

10 years old is something to see,
Another kid my age dragged under a jeep,
Taken and bound and found later under a tree,
I wonder if he even thought the next one could be me.
Do you see?
The soldiers that are out today.
That brush the dust with bulletproof vests away.
It’s ironic.
At times like this you pray,
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday.
There’s bombs in the buses, bikes, roads,
inside your markets,your shops, your clothes,
My dad, he’s got a lot of fear I know
but enough pride inside not to let that show.
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine.
In the back he hand wrote a quote inside,
when the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling
for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world
watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry
like what did he say?

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

With Hands Held High
into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up
to swallow you.

A night out

I spent the night out with friends. The ones who showed up and were there I would go to and help in a phone call. So when they came out all because I said I needed a night out: it made it a great night. I had a few drinks, Malibu and coke, highly recommend 😉 not overly sweet and just tastes great!! LOL

Any how it got me thinking after I dropped off C at her place just how much music is tied to me as well. My mom was always singing. If there was a song on the radio that she liked she would start singing. I am the same way. One of my grandmothers is the same. But like I was saying………………….. How some songs/artists  just make me feel better.
Here are just a few:

The original Broadway recording of RENT.  There is nothing wrong with the movie but it does not have the depth that the original has.  I am a RENT head.  I can listen to the CD and tell you what the stage looks like.  I still cry at the same points.  I still just start to look around during one song because there is like, 20 voices going on at once.  I will be heart broken on June 1st when RENT closes on Broadway.  Thank heaven for tours 🙂 😉

Don’t ask me why but Alannis Morrisette is another.  I mean, just listen to the words of Ironic or You Oughta Know.  All though I was told this past weekend that I don’t sing them like I used to (sorry) I guess I don’t have the anger behind them but I can still nail them.

10,000 Maniacs/Natalie Merchant is another.  Because the Night is always good. Carnival is another.

Dixie Chicks has always been a favorite, even when everyone else seemed to have a problem with them.  Not Ready to Make Nice, Voice Inside My Head, Landslide.  I could go on where they are concerned.

When I am angry there are those bands that just make me feel good about my bad moods.  Nickleback, Disturbed, Korn, Sixx AM, Metallica, etc.

All though I did manage to have one of my coworkers look at me in a new light when she asked if she could borrow a few CD’s to listen to and she looked through them and asked “Are these really yours?”  yeap, I burned them all.  She told her husband and his response was “Okay, she is totally cool.”

I guess I am.

Music makes me who I am and I listen to almost all of it.

I sing some of it but like everything else: depends on my mood.

New Song

I listen to alot of music.

I was very angry awhile ago and then I heard this song

SIXX:A.M. LYRICS

“Life Is Beautiful”

You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Alive…
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Why this song?

Why now?

I don’t know but the song is just: beautiful