Anger

I have alot of anger right now.

Why?  I am waiting for a 2 line note from L.  Or even a 30 second phone call.  Does she really keep going 24/7?  Please.  I am not that stupid.  I asked one simple question and I have gotten nothing in return.  Ofcourse all this is happening around a date I would love to remember more but would rather forget ever happened.

I last saw Supergirl in her element (her house) 2 years ago.  Since then our open adoption has spiraled downward.  I believe beyond a doubt that L believes that I told Supergirl that I am her birthmom.  I can tell you and her and anyone who may doubt me that I did not.  What would I gain out of it?  NOTHING!! so why go there?  It took over a year to get another visit.  I don’t want to go through that again.  It hurt.  It still hurts.

Then I was saw E yesterday.  She told me that she hasn’t been able to get in touch with C.  WTF!!!!!  So now E said she would think of something but because this is December — nothing will happen this month.

Fucking Merry Christmas to me.

*Sorry, I am not only hurt and angry, I am crying at anything.  I was watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD and just started bawling my eyes out because Dr. Lang couldn’t find a leg.  Yes, I was crying.  I was watching another DVD last night and I started crying as well.

Advertisements

Speaking

Well, this was another busy week.  Trying to get through a slow week at work and finding out that a few people during the week had been fired (well the email said Laid off).  Having a migraine for most of the week and not getting any sleep.

Then on Thursday I drove and met up with E for the panel for pap’s.  There was another firstmom besides myself, an adoptive couple and an adoptee who has adopted.  Then in the audience were 5 couples in different stages of their journey.

Most of them were very nice.  I say this because there was one woman who added to my headache because she WOULDN’T shut up.  She was an adoptee and she had an opinion on everything that was discussed.  I didn’t mention Supergirl’s name and told the short story on how Supergirl got her name.  Her question to me “What is her name?”  I don’t have to tell you and I won’t tell you.

“Why are you doing mediation?” Because I want some answers.

“When we adopt I am going to make a scrapbook and send it to birthmom”

The gentleman next to me who was adopted, was adopted in Mass. and has lived in Mass. his whole life.  He also didn’t find out he was adopted until he was 36.  I think that is so wrong on so many levels.  No one should have to live their life as a lie.

Once it was done I was out of there.  I couldn’t handle being around that woman any more.  The adoptive couple just wanted to talk and talk and talk.  I looked at E when it was over and told her that I hope the weather holds out and if not I wouldn’t see her on Saturday.  She ended up cancelling on me Friday because of the weather and I have to cancel on her for this coming Saturday but one of these days I will make it in and see her.

Festering

This has been sitting here for awhile and I figure, might as well get it out of my saved post and just get it out.

I came across a thread from one of the forums I belong to.  I got sick to my stomach.  I talked to a friend of mine who is also a firstmom and she had the same reaction.  I talked to a friend of mine who has no ties to adoption and only knows about my situation and she had the same reaction.  Here it is, weeks later, and I have the same feeling.

Foster mothers breast feeding their foster children?!?!?!?!?!?!  Yes you read correctly.  Foster mothers who are breast feeding their foster children.  These are not adoption situations, these are foster situations.  If it was  an adoption situation that makes for a different story all together but it isn’t.  This is a situation where you will not, in all likely hood, keep the children in which you are breast feeding.

All this is in the name of bonding.  gag.  For me to read this, this is the foster mothering wanting to do something that, in all reality, she should not be doing.  What happens to this kid if they are moved to another home where there is no breast feeding?

Then there was another thread that I couldn’t tell you what it was about but all I saw was an pap (prospective adoptive parent) write “our birthmother”.

Hate to tell you, but your expectant mother is not your birthmother.  In order for her to be that she would have had to been born before you and become pregnant, place you for adoption, then become frozen for a number of years in order for her to be thawed out and then go through this whole hell all over again.  I don’t see that happening.  I doubt it even happened.  This expectant mother, who has not given birth, will be the child’s birthmother if she goes through with the placement.

I wanted to scream at her!!!  Learn before you continue with this!!!!  Just from this one post I learned how much you don’t know and how much you need to learn.

Friends

I admit it.  I was a Friends junkie.  I knew the stories.  I knew the characters.  I was happy when Rachel and Ross got together and yelled at the tv when Ross ruined it.  I cried when Phoebe got married.  I was happy when Monica and Chandler started their relationship and finally got it out in the open and married.

Then it was over.  So I went and signed up for Netflix and added “Friends” to the list.  I forgot some of it.  Selective memory loss? Maybe.  I forgot the episode when Rachel was in the hospital with the mix up with the ring.

Why did I forget?  I was admitted to the hospital that night.  2 days later Supergirl would make her appearance known to all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there was Season 10.  The final season.  Monica and Chandler going through the adoption process.  I don’t remember most of this season.  When I watched it recently I yelled at the tv because of the way that they decided to play Erica, the birth mom.  She was played as the truelly dumb blonde.  To to it off.  Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, there is the stereo type that she didn’t know who the dad was.  She didn’t know that she was carrying twins.  She left the screen and that was it and they (Monica/Chandler) were able to take the babies home on the same day.  What I wonder now is: where were the car seats?

I don’t like Friends so much anymore.